Hello old body part, how have you been? Oh wait, let me answer that for you - you have been insatiable, unsatisfiable, noisy and quite frankly, a major nuisance to me for the past 2 years.
I can do nothing to keep you happy it seems. When I feed you, you protest, groaning and rumbling at me as though I've tried to poison you. When I don't feed you, you seem the happiest, however if you and I are to go on living, you must let me nourish you once in a while.
I realize that the medications I have been taking the past couple years don't make you feel so hot. Guess what? They don't make me feel so wonderful either. I realize that your method of vocalizing how unhappy you are is to make me sick, and unable to eat a complete meal. I've got news for you - one piece of pizza does NOT constitute a complete meal, so it is unacceptable for you to begin your protests when I'm only halfway through.
Case and point: Last night you were groaning at me as though you would shrivel up and die if I didn't feed you. In fact, you were calling out for steak, which I haven't had in ages - since it seems to affect you so. The husband and I took you to the Keg where I treated you to a delicious meal. Right on schedule, halfway through my meal you started the old "let's make her feel nauseous and have some fun" routine. It worked, good job. I took a break in the middle of eating - as you usually make me do - but then I ate the rest of my meal. Ha! I decided for 35 bucks a plate I had better eat everything. But oh, you really made me pay for that when we got home didn't you? Within minutes of walking in the door you began churning and it wasn't long till I was bringing up my delicious steak. What a waste of money.Frankly stomach, I just don't see how we are going to get over this. You must let me eat! And you must let me eat more than once a day! And it must be more than a bowl of cereal or 3 bites of a burger!
One last thing...if you must be such a pain about not letting me eat, can you at least talk to the rest of my body and let it know that with the amount of food I eat I should be a skinny, lithe being?
Seriously - have a meeting or something.
Thank you for your understanding...no wait...I ate a cookie a few minutes ago and you are already pitching a fit...damn.
Sincerely (pissed off), Ali