Friday, February 27, 2009

Friday AGAIN?!?! Where is time going?

I don't know what's going on, but it seems like every time I wake up, it's Friday! Hmm, could I be living in my very own Groundhog Day?

Ah, well, no matter - at least every Friday seems different.

I don't have much to report, just a lot of things on my mind...

Ellery has started crawling at full tilt, which resulted in the purchase of a baby gate to keep her out of the kitchen. Today she crawled to me for the first time so that I could pick her up - I was giddy with happiness.

I really need to get some pictures developed - it's been about 5 months since the last time. Anyone got about 200 bucks they can spot me?

I'm really starting to wonder where my life is going professionally. I've always got all these ideas for things I could do, either on the side, or instead of my current job, but then I never know how to go about starting any of them.

For someone that's supposed to be "up" on news, I sometimes feel bad for the things I don't know about. For example, the recession that's hitting everyone so hard, and the bailouts that people are either so for, or against? The entire situation pisses me off so much, that I can't stand to hear about it any more. I have very strong opinions about it, so I tend to block the news about it out, just to keep myself calm.

I need about $600 right now to send people things. So many people I know are going through terrible things right now, and I want to send them all care packages just to let them know I'm thinking about them, and that I love them.

My dining room table is still a disaster area. I know, it's not surprising, but I really need some ideas on how to motivate myself to clean it. Any other room in my house, and any other chore that needs to be done, I do. It's almost as though the table is my personal kryptonite, and try as I might, I can't build up any sort of immunity against it.

I guess when I add up how much money I said I needed from the points above, it totals $800. If anyone wants to stroke me a cheque for that, I'll send you a care package as thanks ;)

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

If I Could Say What I Really Wanted To...

Stealing this from several blogs - talk about therapeutic! And maybe a little bitchy.

1. Get over yourself. For someone who claims to have no self confidence, you're pretty into bragging about how great you are.

2. Leave him alone. He loves you, he'd do anything for you - why do you continually have to bitch and nag at him? When he's gone you'll finally realize what you have, but it will be too late.

3. You have to be one of the dumbest and most annoying people on the face of the earth. I don't know how anyone puts up with you. My eyes nearly roll out of my head when I hear about some of the dumb things you do.

4. You want the two of us to be close - at least, you used to tell me that. But your constant nagging, and the way you make me feel like everything I do is wrong, makes me seriously wonder if that will ever happen.

5. You are great at your job, and honestly one of the best cashiers I've ever had. I always hope to get you when I'm in line at Safeway. But I'm sorry for the way people act towards you when they realize you're deaf.

6. You have hideous hair, your eyes scare me to no end, and I can't believe you're not dead yet from how many cigarettes you smoke in a day. Yellow nails and teeth are not sexy.

7. What is wrong with you? She is the best thing in your life and she's slipping away! Get your shit together, put down your drink, get on a plane, and go and tell her you can't live without her!

8. Put on a bra. Your boobs are not supposed to look like they grow out of your elbows.

9. I still can't believe that you believe in the "pull out" method - you're 30 years old. I also can't believe you've never worried about catching an STD. I explained it all to like you were a 14 year old in health class and you still didn't get it. I meant it when I said don't come crying to me when something bad happens.

10. You really need to get a new headshot. In the one you use for everything, you look like an aging vampire with purple lips! You're much more attractive than that in real life.

11. I believe in God too, and it's wonderful to be so thankful. However, I don't think it's necessary to point up and close your eyes, saying "It's all because of Him. We need to thank Him," every time you find a penny in the street, or you remember to switch the laundry.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Holy Sh*t! It's Friday?

Or at least - by the time you read this it will be - it's 11:50pm on Thursday night right now.

Anyways, I don't know where this week went - all I know is that it was a good week.

Spent time with Ellery, the husband, friends. Got funny emails from Reggie, Rock Chef, and James. Found out what happened to Sitting in Silence (which wasn't good, but at least now I know she's okay - love you Dan!!!). Ate every meal I was supposed to except breakfast this morning. Realized that I have, in fact, gotten my hair past that growing out stage where I want to hack it all off, and have decided to embrace the 4 inches that hang below my shoulders. Got my ass out of bed at 6am to run, despite the -21 (plus windchill) weather. Made a whackload of playlists for my ipod touch, and got some "super cool" artwork for cover art.

Tomorrow (or today - whatever - Friday) we're heading home to Ontario to spend the weekend. We'll spend the day with husband's family tomorrow (or today - whatever - Friday), then Saturday we're going to have a big brunch/lunch/dinner (we haven't decided what yet) with my mom's family, since apparently they're all whining about not seeing Ellery since Christmas.

I'm not sure yet, but my dad had decided that Ellery and I should stay there all next week, while Chris comes back to work, and that he'll bring us back to the city on the 27th. He was quite insistent - but as much as I love my family, I might go a bit crazy being out of the city for a week. There's no wifi, my cell only works if I pay the crazy rates for the American towers, and I can't even check my voicemail when I'm there!

*gasp* Wait. Have I finally gone city? Say it isn't so!!!

Hmm, perhaps I should stay there for the week....I could go shooting, drag out the dirtbikes, go sliding at the creek, ride in the back of a pickup...gotta get back to my country girl ways!

Anyways, have a great weekend, and if I don't catch you next week, hope it's great too!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Dear Manager of the Place Where I Live,

My husband and I have been living here for going on five years now. We are never late with the rent, we're quiet, we keep to ourselves, and we rarely complain. Only to pay our rent, or to report something needing repair, do we ever show our face in the office.

I appreciate the fact that when our dishwasher broke, you had a new one in the next day. It's also great how when something needs to be fixed, there is usually a guy here within 24 hours. But I have to tell you, sometimes your managerial skills (and the sober face on that bitch who runs the front office) are almost more than I can take.

For instance, when we started asking you when I was pregnant if we could get new carpet in our apartment, it wasn't just for fun. There was a baby on the way, who would surely be rolling around on this 30 year old carpet, and it would have been nice to have something that wasn't nasty, trampled down, vanilla shag.

When you informed us that it simply wasn't going to happen because "There are people that have lived here for 18 years that still don't have new carpet," we decided to suck it up, because we like it here.

We decided that if we could have it professionally cleaned, all would be well. However, that baby is now 9 months old, and you have yet to clean the carpets. When my husband called the other day to mention it yet again, it wasn't very encouraging to hear "That didn't get done? Huh...I'll have to check into that..."

It's been a year and a half asshole, either hire someone else to clean them, or send that bitchy secretary over and I'll put her to work.

When our washing machine started leaking water it took two days for someone to come check into it. By then the water had been cleaned up, and I obviously hadn't done any more laundry, for fear of more water leaking. So when the repair guy said "I don't see any water anywhere," he's lucky I didn't take a wrench to his head.

He was really great about flipping open the lid of the washer and looking inside, then getting down on the ground and looking underneath it (which by the way, I also did, with no training), but when he looked at me and said "Well, it doesn't seem to be leaking now," it was all I could do not to clobber him.

I didn't appreciate the fact that it took two more visits and me hissing at the repair guy "Look, I don't really care if you believe me or not, this thing is leaking water when it runs, so you better figure out how to fix it!" and then my husband finally talking to him for you to take it seriously. I'm a not a dumb girl, and I certainly didn't hallucinate the water.

And now our oven is on the fritz. In about half the time it's supposed to take for something to cook, food is now scorching on the outside, and staying raw in the middle. We've called about this, and two weeks ago you did send someone over. But did you have to send over a 6'5" behemoth, mute, caveman that had my daughter and I cowering?

He messed around in the kitchen for 15 minutes, banging things around and grunting, then walked over to the door and said "There" before slamming it behind him.

Well guess what? It's still not working.

Now it's been over a week since we told you once again that it wasn't working properly, and when we called to remind you about it on Friday you said "He might have been there again, I don't know. Or he might come today, but don't count on it."

Well sir, it's Monday night. Today was a holiday, so I understand Goliath not showing up, but so help me - if he doesn't show up and fix this oven tomorrow...well, let's just say I'll be holding him ransom.

Yours in rental, Ali

Friday, February 13, 2009

My Convo With "Connie"

I'm gonna do the sum up for this in as few words as possible - which will be difficult for me - perhaps point form would be best.

-Husband likes zombies
-He picked out a new zombie book he wants
-What's more romantic than a zombie book on Valentine's Day?
-Last night I decided to go track it down for him

My conversation with an employee at Chapter's follows.
And from here on in, I will refer to said employee as: Desperate-for-something-other-to-do-than-line-up-the-dictionaries-Needs-to-find-a-more-challenging-job-Desperately-needs-someone-to-help-her-apply-eyeliner-without-a-Crayola-marker - Or Connie, for short.

Me: Excuse me, but can you tell me where I might find a book about zombies?
Connie: Oh, I can help you look for one!
Me: Well I actually know which one I'm looking for, I just don't know what section I should be looking in...
Connie: Well come over here! We can look them up for you!
Me: Well it's just the one book - I know the title and authors name already.
Connie: Well let's just see what we get when we type in "zombies" here!
Me: But I have the authors name...can't we just search for him?
Connie: Oh, it's more fun to see what comes up with a big search!
Me: Uh...

Connie begins scrolling through the 1126 results that have come up under "zombies".

Connie: Oooh, there's a lot of books about zombies!
Me: Yes, but I really just need this particular one.
Connie: Alriiiight (she sounds almost defeated), we'll try that.

I hand her the paper with the title and author on it, because there is no way in hell I can pronounce this guys last name.

Connie: Wow! That looks German! Don't you think that looks German? Wow!
Me: I suppose...
Connie: I wonder if many German people write zombie books?
Me: I have no idea.
Connie: Nope! We don't have that book! Isn't that weird?
Me: Weird? Um, I guess - but maybe it's just a new book or something?
Connie: Come with me, we'll check our other system.
Me: (starting to get a little wary of Connie and her eyeliner by this point) Okay...

She sprints over to a desk nearby and starts typing madly into a system that I'm sure was around when Jesus was a boy.

Connie: Okay, let's see...

I slowly walk over to the desk and lean on one elbow.

Connie: Okay, I'm just gonna punch this info in here again...
Me: Kay.
Connie: Uh huh, okay...
Connie: Yep.
Connie: Okay, not there.
Connie: Hmm, alright, let's try this.
Connie: Nope, not there.
Connie: Okay, how about? Hmm, okay, hmm.
Connie: Nope! What the heck?
Connie: Oh, we should try this too.

I put my other elbow up on the desk and lower my face down into my hands, squishing my cheeks.

Connie: Oh! I should try this!
Me: Really, it's okay. If you don't have it it's no problem...
Connie: Well I'm just going to check a few more things.

At this point I'm wondering if Chapter's has some sort of parallel universe where they keep other books, because Connie is searching a hell of a lot of places by the sounds of things.

Connie: I just want to try this quick, then I'll show you what comes up on the screen.

I'm wondering if maybe she found it at another location? That would be okay - I'd have no problem going to get it.

Connie: Okay, nope, not there either. Here, look at this!

She turns her ancient screen towards me to show me that she has Googled the authors name and the title of the book. I am not shitting you. Why she figured she was helping me out by googling it was beyond me. I know what I'm looking for - all I want to know is if you have this particular book in this particular location!

Me: See, uh, I already know what I'm looking for right? So googling it isn't really going to help - I just need to know if...
Connie: Oh!!!! I know! Let me try this!
Me: Really, I should just go...
Connie: No! Wait right there! This will be great!

At this point I can feel my cheeks getting red, as I'm nearing that point where I'm going to have a little freak out on Connie - if the husband would have been there, this is about the time he would have started to back away and pretend we weren't together.

Me: Listen. I have had...
Connie: Here it is!!! Look at all these!

She whips the screen around again to show me that she had typed "list of zombie books" into Wikipedia. And up has come - get this - an entire list of authors who have written zombie books! (Please note my sarcasm here)

Connie: Isn't that great?!?!

At this point I realize how proud she is of being able to "help me" by giving me an entire list of zombie book authors, since she wasn't able to locate the actual book I wanted. She was actually beaming at me in excitement.

Me: (smiling in spite of myself) Wow, would you look at that? So many books to choose from!
Connie: And now you can go home, pull up this list for your husband, and have him pick out a new book!
Me: That is just...great. Thank you so much for all your help Connie...
Connie: Wait! I'll just jot down this url for you!
Me: Uh, I can probably just type "list of zombie books" into Wikipedia and find it...
Connie: Oh, I'll just write it quick, give me one sec!

Two minutes later she handed me a piece of paper with the longest url I've ever seen - I'd have to be a mathematician to get all the backslashes and percent signs right.

Me: Thank you so much! You have just been so helpful!
Connie: It's a pleasure! And if he picks another one I can help you find it!

Then I started backing away, towards the escalator, and when my feet hit those stairs I ran.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

On The Lam

I've always liked the line "on the lam" - and in fact, since the day I learned what it meant, I've actually wanted to be on the lam.

From what exactly, I'm not sure. I just like the idea of someone saying "Hey, I haven't seen Ali in ages, do you know where she's been?" and then to have someone else say "I heard she's on the lam - she must have done something crazy!"

The idea of being an extremely powerful woman appeals to me a great deal. You know, someone that walks around in power suits and kick ass heels and has everyone call them Ms. Quicksilver? My hair would always be pulled back at work, and I'd also wear glasses, but there would always be that hint that I could let my hair down and be a really sexy wild child. I'd like to have a big, huge office building downtown, tall enough that it towers over every other phallic reminiscent building.

I don't know what my job would be exactly, but it would be important. And though I would be mainly on the super-hero side of things, I'd also have a bad streak - nothing to actually hurt people, but bad just for the sake of my own entertainment.

This bad streak though, is what would cause me to have to go on the lam in the first place.

But being on the lam would actually be pretty sweet - I'd use my jet to take off to my private island where no one can get me, then continue working via email and phone calls to my most trusted employee and friend. That would keep me in the money, keep my business going, and keep me powerful - but all while living in the lap of luxury.

Hmm, if I disappear for awhile, you can all safely assume that I have in fact, gone on the lam. But not to worry - I'll send my jet around to pick you up anytime you need a vacation.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Sometimes You Just Need to Throw in the Towel

I'll admit, there are times when I can be a bit nit-picky when it comes to things my husband does that drive me bat shit crazy. I know many people will say "But he's a man! That's what they do!", as if that's some sort of excuse, but as far as I'm concerned, it's not. People are people, and if I can do something, so can you.
That's not to say I don't have my annoying quirks and lackadaisical attitudes about things, but I try to keep it in check.
ANYways, in recent months I've come to realize that there are just some things I can't make him smarten up about, regardless of how much I whine, yell, ask, beg, pout or cry about them. And it's quickly becoming apparent that Ellery is more than just a replica of him in the looks department.

1. Husband is physically incapable of hanging his coat in the hall closet. The back of a dining room chair apparently works just as well.

2. Ellery doesn't give a rats ass that she shouldn't be touching the playstation. In fact, she gives me that "And what are you gonna do about it?" look, every time I turn around and say "Ellery! No!"

3. It's just a fact of life that I'll wash the dishes and clean up, then husband will stroll into the kitchen with his dishes from work the day before and drop them on the counter.

4. It doesn't matter that there are 400 toys in the bathtub, Ellery just wants to stand up and play with the strings on my hoodie.

5. Husband will not tie up the kitchen garbage bag and replace it with a new one, no matter how high and teetering it gets.

6. Nine times out of ten, it is up to me to clean the Forman Grill, otherwise it just won't get done.

7. When Ellery decides to steamroll her way across the living room, she's not stopping for toys that might hurt her - just get them out of her way.

Despite these things though, the husband is great, and can be very helpful when he's so inclined, hehe. Ellery, though? The girl is adorable, and hilarious...but stubborn! Now I wonder where she gets that from...

Friday, February 06, 2009

You Know What's Dumb?

Dumb is medicine cabinets being in people's washrooms.

I mean, if you really think about it - which I have, and yes, I admit this makes me a weird thinker - a washroom is pretty much the worst place you could store medication.

For instance, Ellery's baby tylenol says: Store at 15 - 30 degrees Celsius.
Husband has Nasonex for his nose, which says: Store at 2 - 25 degrees Celsius. Keep away from bright light.
And the iron tablets I have (which aren't even actually a medicine) say: Keep at room temperature in dark dry place.

Now, maybe it's just my bathroom, but I would think that would be the least consistent room for temperature and light.

During the night it's cool and dark - ideal for medication storing purposes. But during the day? The heat gets cranked whenever one of us is having a shower, or Ellery needs a bath. The lights in there are very bright, giving off a lot of heat of their own - and they're also located directly above the mirrors, which double as our medicine cabinet. Every time the shower is on there is crazy condensation and humidity in there. Factors like changing temperatures can actually affect the effects of medication!

All in all, it's a pretty awful choice for storage of medicine.

I now keep all my medication either in my bedroom, or in a dark cabinet in my kitchen, away from the stove, fridge and dishwasher, to avoid the heat.

And that is all for this public service announcement.

Happy Friday, and happy weekend relocation of all your meds!

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

To Have That Imagination Again...

The husband's post yesterday made me remember back to my childhood and do a little reminiscing about the things I used to do...

Before my parents got gas heat in their house, we used to have a huge wood furnace in the basement that I remember someone always having to fill with wood. This thing was huge, and noisy. I remember during the night, it would be so quiet in the house, and then I would hear the furnace kick in and it would seem so loud, like huge bangs of metal for some reason. I always thought this was the Tin man from the Wizard of Oz coming up the stairs to get me.

When I was old enough to get up on my own in the mornings, I would always eat the same thing. I would get a juice box and cut several pieces of cheddar cheese, then head into the living room to watch tv. I would drink the juice box, then poke the cheese with the straw, until it was full of cheese. Then I'd put it in my mouth, and slide my teeth down the straw, forcing all the cheese out. Then I'd do it all over again. I'd leave the little bits of cheese that I couldn't get into the straw on my plate.

My dad has a big shop in the basement (it's also where the huge scary furnace was located), and lots of times it gets used for storing things. I remember when I got too tall to ride this little rocking horse thing, and my dad took it into the shop and hung it on the wall until he could store it properly. One time I was down there, and I happened to look into the darkened shop on my way up the stairs, and I could see the eyes on that horse shining back at me. I turned and ran screaming up the stairs, thinking that horse was possessed and about to kill me.
Even now, at 28, I still run up the stairs like something is going to come out of that shop and get me.

When it was winter, if it was ever snowing and we were driving somewhere at night, I would always pretend that the snowflakes were arrows being shot at our vehicle. Since Monica was almost always with me, we would shout out orders to each other: There's one coming in from the left side! Watch out! There's a whole bunch coming from the east!!!
In reality, there were like 4 billion snowflakes flying at us, so if they really were arrows we would surely be dead.

And this last one is actually a memory about Monica...
I went to a Catholic school, Monica went to public school. Because of this, she had to take catechism classes before church on Sundays. Sometimes, my family would go to church in a different town, because then we'd meet up with my mom's family, and all go for breakfast afterward.
Since Monica's sisters were older, they didn't need to take catechism, so they would often come with my family to church in the neighbouring town. In reality they just wanted to come for breakfast, because my dad would let them eat whatever they wanted, and buy us all a treat after.They both always picked Skor bars for their treats. And do you know why?
Well I'll tell you.
Because they would spend the trip home licking all the chocolate off the hard toffee part, then when they got home and Monica asked them what they were eating, they would tell her it was crispy bacon left over from breakfast, and she believed them! She didn't like bacon, so was never as upset when she couldn't come with us, because she thought all she was missing was bacon.
LOL - poor Monica, I still don't think she knows the truth...

Monday, February 02, 2009

Enough is Enough!

Alright, as some of you may or may not have noticed, I've been a bit...absent lately. And I mean absent in so many senses of the word.

Absent from my usual happy-go-lucky self, absent from posting regularly, absent from commenting regularly - and in real life, I've been worse. I'm around to play with Ellery, and be as great of a mom as I can, but in all other areas of my life? Completely AWOL.

What has caused this major change in me? Lord only knows, but I'm guessing it's a combination of hormones, feeling sorry for myself, missing the mental challenge of my job, and the winter.
However, it has been made abundantly clear (from my own realizations, and the cold hard truth coming from the mouths of some of the people that I love most in the world) that this simply won't do.

I've been feeling sorry for myself, worrying about work, second guessing things I know I should take for truth, and what I fear the most, pushing the people who love me away, simply because...well, I'm not sure why.

I realize that this is all very secretive, but trust me, I've been a mess. Thus, I've committed myself to quit being such a suck, quit being so "poor me", and get back to being my usual self...the crazy, happy girl that I miss so desperately.

And, by means of showing you all my commitment, I've got a perverted little video for you all to watch, that literally had me laughing my head off!
No really, my head fell off while I was watching this...