Damn Me and My Suckiness!
If I was in a room alone with me I'd kick my own ass.
Long story short...I had a guitar lesson tonight...and I totally freaked. Absolutely could not make myself play.
Last week Zig gave me one of his own songs to practice. I've been practicing every single day, and it's been great. I actually get excited to play all the time. But as today got closer I could feel myself getting more and more nervous.
By the time I sat down for my lesson I was ready to puke.
Zig tried everything he could to convince me to play - he offered to play with me, turned his back so that he wasn't watching me, tried to trick me into playing something else that eventually led into the song. But it was a no go.
Why I have developed this new fear of playing in front of him I don't know. But for some reason I just panic every time he tells me to play and then waits patiently for me to begin.
The more excited I am to play on my own during the week, the more I panic during a lesson.
The husband asked me if Zig is putting lots of pressure on me, but the truth is that he's a great teacher. Never mad, never impatient, never pushy. The problem is not with him, it's very obviously me.
I don't know what I'm going to do - but I left my lesson tonight incredibly mad at myself for not just playing the song. As soon as I got home I picked up Ramona and played for over an hour...stupid, would it have been so hard to do it in front of him?
I seem to be lacking in the courage department suddenly, anyone got any to spare?