Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Damn Me and My Suckiness!

I am thoroughly annoyed and irritated with myself. Thoroughly.
If I was in a room alone with me I'd kick my own ass.
Long story short...I had a guitar lesson tonight...and I totally freaked. Absolutely could
not make myself play.
Last week Zig gave me one of his own songs to practice. I've been practicing every single day, and it's been great. I actually get excited to play all the time. But as today got closer I could feel myself getting more and more nervous.
By the time I sat down for my lesson I was ready to puke.
Zig tried everything he could to convince me to play - he offered to play with me, turned his back so that he wasn't watching me, tried to trick me into playing something else that eventually led into the song. But it was a no go.
Why I have developed this new fear of playing in front of him I don't know. But for some reason I just panic every time he tells me to play and then waits patiently for me to begin.
The more excited I am to play on my own during the week, the more I panic during a lesson.
The husband asked me if Zig is putting lots of pressure on me, but the truth is that he's a great teacher. Never mad, never impatient, never pushy. The problem is not with him, it's very obviously me.
I don't know what I'm going to do - but I left my lesson tonight incredibly mad at myself for not just playing the song. As soon as I got home I picked up Ramona and played for over an hour...stupid, would it have been so hard to do it in front of him?
I seem to be lacking in the courage department suddenly, anyone got any to spare?


Blogger Rock Chef said...

Stage fright!

I remember one band I was in - we had a song that included a really fancy bit that we all played together in harmony. On my own I could play it with my eyes closed and one hand chopped off. Get the band together and I ALWAYS fluffed it because I got all tensed up just before we had to do it.

You really just want to show off without making mistakes, so next time just go for it. Hey, take Ramona to work tomorrow, walk into Zig's office and play it before he knows what the hell you are doing!

3:05 AM  
Blogger AaroN said...

It's in there somewhere... you've just got to find it again.

6:06 AM  
Anonymous terri said...

You've got a little bit of anxiety going on. The key is probably to find some kind of coping mechanism. But what, I don't know. Hope you figure it out soon!

9:31 AM  
Blogger Princess of the Universe said...

Maybe you should have some phone-in lessons?

10:22 AM  
Blogger mr zig said...

Alison, Alison! Don't stress out about last nights "incident" too much... it happens to everyone now and then. The most frusterating thing was not that you wouldn't play but that I couldn't come up with a way to get you to play it. :) Seriously - It happens... don't beat yourself up over it :) ok?

1:01 PM  
Blogger James said...

You lost your happens to me sometimes when I want to paint my wargames figures. It can be annoying when you only have a certain "tine window" when you are supposed to do something but you just don't feel like it. It happens.

4:11 AM  
Blogger James said...

I thought of you last night (saturday) I was at work sorting packages and parcels out of a cage when I came across an unmistakable shape. I picked it was a small size and sure enough, when I looked at the address label it was going to a woman (Patricia Johnson- anybody know her?).
Some idiot had wrapped this beautiful object in just a bit of brown paper and sure enough a part of it had ripped off revealing the glossy smooth black body. It was a Ramona!! I felt the number of strings through the inadequate packaging. Six strings! I tried to rewrap it as best I could and went over to place it safely at the top of a cage going to it's intended destination, so that it would receive no more rough handling by Royal Mail monkeys. Hope it gets there without damage. It amazes me the valuable objects that people put in the post wrapped in tissue paper or a bin bag....crazy


9:08 PM  

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