Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Dear Stomach,

Hello old body part, how have you been? Oh wait, let me answer that for you - you have been insatiable, unsatisfiable, noisy and quite frankly, a major nuisance to me for the past 2 years.

I can do nothing to keep you happy it seems. When I feed you, you protest, groaning and rumbling at me as though I've tried to poison you. When I don't feed you, you seem the happiest, however if you and I are to go on living, you must let me nourish you once in a while.

I realize that the medications I have been taking the past couple years don't make you feel so hot. Guess what? They don't make me feel so wonderful either. I realize that your method of vocalizing how unhappy you are is to make me sick, and unable to eat a complete meal. I've got news for you - one piece of pizza does NOT constitute a complete meal, so it is unacceptable for you to begin your protests when I'm only halfway through.

Case and point: Last night you were groaning at me as though you would shrivel up and die if I didn't feed you. In fact, you were calling out for steak, which I haven't had in ages - since it seems to affect you so. The husband and I took you to the Keg where I treated you to a delicious meal. Right on schedule, halfway through my meal you started the old "let's make her feel nauseous and have some fun" routine. It worked, good job.
I took a break in the middle of eating - as you usually make me do - but then I ate the rest of my meal. Ha! I decided for 35 bucks a plate I had better eat everything. But oh, you really made me pay for that when we got home didn't you? Within minutes of walking in the door you began churning and it wasn't long till I was bringing up my delicious steak. What a waste of money.

Frankly stomach, I just don't see how we are going to get over this. You must let me eat! And you must let me eat more than once a day! And it must be more than a bowl of cereal or 3 bites of a burger!

One last thing...if you must be such a pain about not letting me eat, can you at least talk to the rest of my body and let it know that with the amount of food I eat I should be a skinny, lithe being?
Seriously - have a meeting or something.

Thank you for your wait...I ate a cookie a few minutes ago and you are already pitching a fit...damn.

Sincerely (pissed off), Ali


Blogger j.k.a said...

Oh my word, I feel your pain. I don't even have to eat to feel nauseaous, and sometimes the meds don't do a whole lot. Of course if I'm feeling good a sure-fire way to feel terrible is to think I can eat anything I want. :( But then again, Girl can not live by yougurt and soup alone. It makes her cranky as all get out. :P


7:02 PM  
Blogger Logziella said...

Oh that was way TOO funny!...the way you wrote it I mean...certainly not that you feel so yucky! So sorry about that. :0(

I have been not having too much time to eat much myself these days and I was just telling Chuck the other day that it sure the heck seems like I should be loosing weight FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!

Love you girl! Hang in there!!

8:23 PM  
Blogger Princess of the Universe said...

Is that it? All this time I thought you just had a tiny little bird-like appetite!

9:54 PM  
Blogger Rock Chef said...

That would drive me insane! I love food, I live to eat (I know we are supposed to eat to live...)!

How about having one of those protien shakes during the day. Might help a bit.

As for the not losing weight - your body is probably in 'famine' mode, hanging on to prevent starvation. Not eating is not a good weight-loss plan :-)

Hope you find a solution soon.

3:32 AM  
Blogger mr zig said...

that was a great post! Sooooo funny! - sorry your stomach is not being nice to you though - perhaps sushi would make it feel better... :) :) -hint hint-

10:23 AM  
Blogger Rock Chef said...


10:24 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

I've never had a huge appetite actually - I've gone the better part of my life eating one meal a day, simply because I'm not hungry.
I have lost weight...the saggy ass of my jeans is proof of that, just not enough ;)
It's not that I don't want to eat, because sometimes I'm starving, but I'm put off a lot of things because I know how my stomach will react.
Hmm, but a bagel would be delish right now...

10:42 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home