Loose Sheets
The following is a conversation that took place between the husband and I after crawling into bed on Monday night. We're in the dark, babbling about the events of our days, nearing the time we will drift off to sleep.
A couple of things you need to know to really set the scene:
1. Though I'm trying desperately not to, I sleep on my stomach, which is where I was lying at the time of this conversation.
2. I sleep in the buff.
3. The husband was laying on his back.
4. Our sheets seriously need to be changed.
Husband: Blah, blah, blah work was boring, I amputated a guys leg single-handedly, blah, blah, blah...
Ali: Oooh, wow...
*a moment of silence as we're getting comfy and beginning to relax*
Ali: What the hell!?!? (yelled at the top sheet in exasperation)
Husband: What?
Ali: This sheet has a real attraction to my ass!
Husband: Uh...
Ali: It will not stay away from my butt crack!
Husband: Uh...
Ali: (laughing) We really need to change the sheets, they're too soft and lived in, so they're not laying like they're supposed to!
Husband: You think you've got problems? My ass is full of sheet!
Ali: What!?!?!
Husband: Yeah, this bottom sheet is too loose...
Ali: (incoherent, uncontrollable, screaming laughter)
Husband: (on a roll now) Yeah! My butt is full of fabric!
Ali: Oh my god!! (more laughter) What? (more laughter) Oh my god, stop talking!!!! I can't take it!!!!
This laughter went on so long, and I laughed so hard that it actually turned into a big, giant, sobbing, bawl-fest. It was that funny.
And...as you may have realized, I'm not big on the "changing the sheets every week" idea. Not that I wouldn't love to, but I'm lazy. Needless to say, the sheets have been changed.
A couple of things you need to know to really set the scene:
1. Though I'm trying desperately not to, I sleep on my stomach, which is where I was lying at the time of this conversation.
2. I sleep in the buff.
3. The husband was laying on his back.
4. Our sheets seriously need to be changed.
Husband: Blah, blah, blah work was boring, I amputated a guys leg single-handedly, blah, blah, blah...
Ali: Oooh, wow...
*a moment of silence as we're getting comfy and beginning to relax*
Ali: What the hell!?!? (yelled at the top sheet in exasperation)
Husband: What?
Ali: This sheet has a real attraction to my ass!
Husband: Uh...
Ali: It will not stay away from my butt crack!
Husband: Uh...
Ali: (laughing) We really need to change the sheets, they're too soft and lived in, so they're not laying like they're supposed to!
Husband: You think you've got problems? My ass is full of sheet!
Ali: What!?!?!
Husband: Yeah, this bottom sheet is too loose...
Ali: (incoherent, uncontrollable, screaming laughter)
Husband: (on a roll now) Yeah! My butt is full of fabric!
Ali: Oh my god!! (more laughter) What? (more laughter) Oh my god, stop talking!!!! I can't take it!!!!
This laughter went on so long, and I laughed so hard that it actually turned into a big, giant, sobbing, bawl-fest. It was that funny.
And...as you may have realized, I'm not big on the "changing the sheets every week" idea. Not that I wouldn't love to, but I'm lazy. Needless to say, the sheets have been changed.
posted by Ali at 11:16 PM
4 Comments:
Just wait - as Butterbean gets bigger and bigger you will find it harder and harder to get comfortable - sleeping on your front will be impossible without the use of props to stop you rolling around, and the sheets will become more and more annoying. You will be changing them every few days by the end!
Good, someone who admits that they sleep on nasty sheets too. Gigi and I change them when they start smelling like humans, a dog pukes or pees or 3 or 4 weeks, whichever comes first.
I sleep bottomless and don't have the butt crack problem.
Tell Military Boy to tuck them in tighter and you can sleep on them another week.
LOL...oh this is a classic, it reminds me of a nurse at work who said she knew a lady that only ever changed the sheets on the bed when they wore out...True as I sit here typing....
Now that's a "need a bucket story"...
I am a once a week sheet chickie...but I can tell ya it shits the living crap outta me....
I so need to go bush for a while !!!LOL..
xoxoxox
"Husband: You think you've got problems? My ass is full of sheet"
That was freakin' hysterical.
A roommate in college only changed his sheets once a semester. That's twice a year, people.
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