Monday, April 20, 2009

I Really Need a Spare Bedroom

Last night, 12:47am, I turn off the tv, log off the computer, finish cleaning the kitchen, and hear the all too familiar sounds of a chainsaw running in my bedroom. The husband is snoring. Loudly.
I sigh, and head to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth.
As I walk into the darkened bedroom, I kick the bed on the off chance this will wake him up enough to get him to roll onto his side without me having to result to yelling and/or violence. It doesn't, and I sigh again as I slip into bed beside him.
I tell myself that maybe I can fall asleep anyways. I begin thinking about other things, trying to block him out, and let my body relax. This lasts for about 30 seconds. Finally I whip my head in his direction and whisper:

Chris! Can you roll over?
snore
Baby? Roll over, kay?
snore
Can you roll over baby? I can't sleep.
snore snore
*I reach over and shake his shoulder gently.
Christopher...seriously, roll over...
grunt...snore
*I sigh loudly and kick the mattress hard with one foot.
Chris! For f*cks sake! Roll over!
incoherent mumble from him...snore
Chris!
Yeah?
Roll over! You're snoring really friggin' loud!
Okay.
He moves his head and lifts one arm above his head.
*I watch him in exasperation.
That's not rolling over, you just moved a little! You can't trick me, you know, I'm right here!
(I'm sort of laughing a little now)
snore
Christopher...I swear...if you don't roll over...
I heard you!
So roll over!
I will...
snore
*I kick the mattress harder.
What?! You only told me once!
I did not! I told you 10 times! And who cares? You still need to roll over.
snore
Don't make me stoop to kicking you, because that's where we're headed...

Then do you know what he did?

He giggled. Like a little kid.

Then reached over, slapped my ass, and said: Alright! I'm rolling over, love you baby!

My mouth fell open, and I laughed, and was out two minutes later.

3 Comments:

Blogger terri said...

You are way nicer than me! I would have smacked my hubby.

8:30 PM  
Blogger Chief Rock Chef said...

I think he enjoys being talked to like that...

3:21 AM  
Blogger mikedup.tumblr.com said...

lol... that guy is funny

3:17 PM  

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