Fill in the Blanks

I stole this from a blog months and months ago because I thought it was such a cool idea. For the life of me I can't remember where it came from, so if the author should stumble across this post, then I, um ah...sorry!
My answers are in the purple - they were fun to come up with - I encourage you all to steal it from me and do the same.

If I could, I'd invent a Stupidity Chamber, and damn it, the world needs one because there are a lot of stupid people that need somewhere to spend eternity.

I sometimes buy books I feel I “should” read, because it is/they are more like the me I want to be than the me that I am.

If you came over to my house to hang and touched my hideous, hand-made quilt with blue flowers and blue yarn tied all over it I'd be a little bit mad at you for a while.

The colour salmon makes me want to shave my eyeballs with a cheese grater.

The colour/s of a sunset is/are so beautiful that when I see them, a beam of light comes down and I hear a choir sing.

Oysters make me gag, but the two times I’ve tried them, I feel it in my mouth for a minute, and then swallow it down rather than spit it out.

I might get sick or die if I touch or ingest: cat hair, or look at short, chubby, balding actors on tv. I have a very strong intolerance for people like Jason Alexander or Danny Devito.
(this is where you mention allergies or phobias)

The feel of terra cotta pots gives me the willies and I might need to consider a frontal lobotomy if I even think about it further.

I love the feel of my own hair so much I want to hump it like a puppy on a sofa pillow.

No one should have to watch me eat a Caramilk bar because then I might consider being polite enough to share, and I don't want to share it.

I'm a grown-up now, so I don't have to make my bed or pick my clothes up off the floor anymore, and you can't make me.

The song that randomly pops into my mind most often is You’re So Vain, I usually sing it out loud because I like to tease the husband about being vain…plus it’s a catchy tune.

If I could invent a way to permanently coat my nostril hairs with this scent, I'd be my own biggest customer: Body Shop Pure Vanilla Body Spray…I’m drooling on myself just thinking about it.

Three things I like that anyone might like: fresh sheets, s’mores and getting presents.

Three things I like that nobody else in the world likes: Cottage cheese mixed with sunflower seeds, belly button smell and popping blisters.

I have TOO MANY/TOO MUCH OF: pairs of panties, and not enough...follow thru when it comes to things that I really want to do before I die.

If you want to sex me up, your best chance for success is to stand behind me and whisper my name close to my ear, it makes my legs shake.

Okay, we know the best things in life aren't things, but these are the best things in life if there are going to be best things: unexpected flowers, down filled duvets, Ikea, jewelry, and tools.

When people have kind, sweet and nice things to say about me, they're usually talking about: my big, loud laugh and my happy personality.
When they say I'm foul-mouthed they're usually right too.

It's true, I'm a little on the emotional side. I used to feel embarrassed about it but now, I'm learning to be proud of it.

If I could have any talent in the world, I'd choose the ability to find things and use it to locate all the little things I’ve lost in my life like my Malibu Barbie sparkle bikini, my Ontario Wilderness loon t-shirt, and my sanity, plus all the “weapons of mass destruction” so we can all just get along.

You are given a day and a no-limit credit card to spend in one of these places, childfree. Choose one, or write your own:

• An auction, where you never know what you want until you see it, and then you want it more than anyone. It's all about the adventure and the atmosphere.
• A picturesque neon-lit bar, where a couple of swank cocktails and a friendly bartender might lead to a Chandler-esque story. It's all about becoming a character yourself.
• A craft show, because you really need to find something attractive to cover your spare rolls of toilet paper with, and then, you want to maybe glue some paper to some more paper. It's all about making and doing.
• A gourmet food store, because you are what you eat. It's all about feeding yourself and your soul.
• A hoity toity boutique, because you'd rather have the experience of shopping gracefully than anything. It's all about quality time.
• I would buy an undiscovered island in the Caribbean (that is somehow safe from all tropical storms, tsunamis and idiots), hire a crew to make it livable, then fly my entire family and friend base and their families to live in paradise with me.

And: If I could suggest that you read only one post from my archives, this would be it.