Monday, February 18, 2008

Have You Ever Wondered...

What it's like to be a fire alarm?

Occasionally you might get to be a hero, saving an entire family from harm in the dark of the night, only to melt to your own fiery death as your world is engulfed in flames?
Plus, anytime that you go off when someone bakes a cake and scorches it, someone just stands in front of you, angrily waving a towel in your face and yelling at you to "shut up" - sometimes even standing on a chair and yanking you apart, only to rip out your insides and stomp away?

What it's like to be a toothbrush?

Ewww. This must be one of the grossest professions. Imagine first thing in the morning, getting shoved into an orifice of all things offensive, expected to maintain your cheerful colour and use your face to clear away every foul smelling particle? Gag me.

What it's like to be a garbage can?

Everything that stinks goes into you. Sometimes people miss the bag and revolting stuff slips into your nether-regions. Gross.
Enough said.

What it's like to be a doorknob?

Do you really think they're the sluts of the in-animate world? If it really does feel good for them to be turned so much, they must not have too bad of a life. I mean, people slip their keys in, you get turned a couple times, doesn't sound too shabby...unless you live in Canada where your ass would be mighty chapped right about now.

What it's like to be a chimney?

You are pretty much ignored during summer months, except for a seasonal cleaning if you're properly cared for. And in the winter? You've got to have emphysema - how could you not?

What it's like to be a cell phone?

You would get to hear the best gossip, the most intimate secrets, all the other in-animates would come to you for the latest. But then too, you would get dropped, or potentially lost, and sometimes when people were fighting there would be some screaming...

What it's like to be a cutting board?

You might be one of the best fed, non-living items in a kitchen. Provided you aren't plastic, you get to be somewhat of a super-hero - getting attacked with various knives and chopping utensils, and unless you're holding something gross like raw meat - life is pretty great. Plus, the salt and pepper shakers think you're hot.

What it's like to be sheets? On a grown ups bed?

You are the dirty pervert of the in-animates. You pretty much have to be if there is any sort of sex going on in between the sheets...which is technically, inside you. Hmmm, yeah, fight as you may, you have nowhere to hide, and so you probably become somewhat of a sex-a-holic. And you like it - dirty sheets.


Blogger Rock Chef said...

Where on earth did THAT come from?

You are getting wierd!

Nice post, though.

How about a computer mouse? Getting fondled all day, people pushing your buttons, occasionally having your ball cleaned (if you are an old one that is)...

10:57 AM  
Blogger Backpacker momma said...



12:39 PM  
Blogger Sitting in Silence said...

Way too much chocloate for you LMAO

2:18 AM  

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