Tuesday, December 18, 2007

One Year Ago Today...

I was going through one of the worst moments of my entire life - wondering if I would survive the night and beating myself up over the loss of a baby.

So much has changed in the past 365 days, most for the better, some for the worse, but who would have predicted I'd be where I am now?

It still breaks my heart to think about the baby we lost in such a very tragic way, but I just keep telling myself that for some reason, some higher power decided that it was not meant to be, and that they must have known best.

But I know, almost more than I know anything else, that that child is part of the reason we're expecting Butterbean now. There is a guardian up there for Butterbean, that will protect and watch over them like any good sibling would.

I guess this is my thank you to them and to all of you, for the love and support that so astounded me, and still does, every day.

I love you all very much.


Blogger Rock Chef said...

It is amazing isn't it? Every time I think about you, Chris and Butterbean I get all excited.

It was clearly not meant to be last time around, but in its way it does help to show how strong your relationship with Chris is and who your true friends are.

You are truly blessed.

10:05 AM  
Blogger krista said...

I feel the same way about the baby Ricky and I lost. I KNOW that when we die that that baby will be there waiting for us. I'm so happy that Butterbean is coming! I can't wait! I'm always here for you, Ali!!

10:21 AM  
Blogger Backpackermomma... said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Backpackermomma... said...

Many of us have been there. If life were different I'd have an 11 year old and a four year old right now. But I am so lucky to have my healthy and vibrant (if not a wee bit crazy) four year old to remind me everyday of how friggin good life really is.

Thinking of you and wishing you restful slumber...

1:17 PM  
Blogger Terri said...

I wish more than anything that you and Chris did not have to experience the heartache you did. None of us can explain why some must endure such pain and others are lucky enough to escape it.

You are all in my prayers that everything continues to go well. It's your turn now. You will be wonderful parents and your baby will be loved more than he will ever comprehend.

8:51 PM  
Blogger Amos said...

Oh my gosh, my jaw is dropped to the floor right now and my eyes are welled with tears. I swear that I have looked at your blog recently, but maybe I was just dreaming that I had. A BABY!!!!!!! Oh you don't know how much I have still prayed for you and Chris, to recover from the past pain and trauma, but for God to show Himself mightly in your lives with a pregnancy! Seriously, even though I am typing this I am completely speechless. He is Sooooo Good!!! Now my prayers will turn to a healthy successful pregnancy, I simply cannot WAIT to see your beautiful Butterbean!!! Oh Ali, the tears of joy for you are awesome!!!! Love you girl!

10:44 PM  
Blogger Logziella said...

Oh yes, I remember that time very well...I shed many tears for you and prayed many prayers for this little Butterbean to come...and look...he/she is HERE...or 1/2 way anyway. Ha!

I am so glad that you got the desire of your heart Ali. I could not be happier for you!!

10:17 AM  
Blogger AaroN said...

I had to check the calendar again to see when you were expecting. I thought maybe I was TOTALLY off on the time table and you'd be delivering soon. Unless you keep waking at 1am every morning, those remaining 138 days are going to fly by!

10:52 AM  

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