Thursday, October 11, 2007

And the Title Goes To...Ali!

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to partake in UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championships for all you UFC virgins.
Essentially it's two guys in a ring, beating the piss out of each other, where anything goes, and basically whoever is left standing at the end, wins, therefore dubbed "The Ultimate Fighting Champion".

Sounds barbaric. But something I would love to do.

I may not have any professional training, and I may not be the biggest person out there, but I do have a high threshold for pain, I'm surprisingly flexible, I am fairly ninja-esque (perfect for getting out of tricky situations) and I have brought grown men to their knees before. And though I'm generally happy, I tend to have a surprising amount of pent-up frustration, and I love to wrestle and fight.

Given a "fair" fight, size and reach wise, I'd like to give it a try.

Of course, there are rules, but most of it is just common sense - things that could genuinely cause permanent damage in your opponent. Here is a list of UFC rules, definite no-no's"

1. Butting with the head.
2. Eye gouging of any kind.
3. Biting.
4. Hair pulling.
5. Fish hooking.
6. Groin attacks of any kind.
7. Putting a finger into any orifice or into any cut or laceration on an opponent.
8. Small joint manipulation.
9. Striking to the spine or the back of the head.
10. Striking downward using the point of the elbow.
11. Throat strikes of any kind, including, without limitation, grabbing the trachea.
12. Clawing, pinching or twisting the flesh.
13. Grabbing the clavicle.
14. Kicking the head of a grounded opponent.
15. Kneeing the head of a grounded opponent.
16. Stomping a grounded opponent.
17. Kicking to the kidney with the heel.
18. Spiking an opponent to the canvas on his head or neck.
19. Throwing an opponent out of the ring or fenced area.
20. Spitting at an opponent.
21. Engaging in an unsportsmanlike conduct that causes an injury to an opponent.
22. Using abusive language in the ring or fenced area.
23. Attacking an opponent after the bell has sounded the end of the period of unarmed combat.

Now, I can't see myself having a problem with any of these, except maybe number 22. You can't use abusive language? Why not? You can literally beat the crap out of someone, but if you call him an ass-munch he'll be offended? What kind of cracker-ass rule is that?

Hmm, I'm thinking about running this idea by the husband - I'm sure he's sick of me beating up on him all the time ;)


Blogger Rock Chef said...

Hm, my wife used to have aspirations to be a wrestler...

You are right about the verbal abuse rule - dumb. Maybe if there is bad language, people will not let their kids watch it!

3:54 AM  
Blogger mr zig said...

I'd rather see you - and other girls in UFC rather than those sweaty guys that look like they are trying to procreate....

3:50 PM  
Anonymous terri said...

So many rules.... I'd have a problem with that!

2:13 AM  
Blogger James said...

You need to start a fight club in your office..

11:56 AM  
Blogger AaroN said...

"What kind of cracker-ass rule is that?"


Some rules were meant to be broken!

Perhaps you could compete in BLOWW? (Google it.)

1:18 PM  

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