Dear Body,

I think it's about time that you stop being a jackass.

I know you're trying your best to make me give up this new healthy attitude I've decided to take on, but I'm telling you right now, you may as well just throw in the towel.

Going for a run nearly every morning is now a part of our existence. Flossing our teeth every night is just something that's going to happen. Eating three meals a day - and sometimes snacks - is a good thing. These things make us better! We look better, we feel better, we actually eat...I'm having a hard time understanding why you're fighting this so much.

If it's because in the past, we've been lazy, and sometimes gone entire days without eating, I can almost understand it. Having no sustenance would make even the most energetic person feel like a lump.

I do have to give lungs some kudos though. You guys don't scream at me anymore while we're running. You seem almost happy to be out there, working hard and passing out the extra oxygen like it's got an expiry date.

I think in general, it's stomach and legs that are giving me the most grief. Stomach, you seem to balk at the amount of food I've been putting into you, but I'm trying to convince you that I won't starve you any more. This surplus of food will stop you from panicking and trying to eat yourself - a faster metabolism will make us both happier!

And legs...*sigh*...oh legs, what am I going to do with you? I understand that all this exercise might be foreign to you, as in past years we've been lazy, but you really must come around. I've dealt with the pain in knees, and now they don't ache anymore after a run. Calves actually seem to be quite thrilled with all of the movement, and are taut and happy. But now, shins are giving me a great deal of grief - to the tune of feeling like I got line-drived by a fastball in each leg.

The fact that I'm almost limping when I get home every morning now is NOT okay.

I don't know how much longer I will tolerate your insubordination. I'm almost to the point now where if I could trade you in for a new set, I would.

Don't you want to be hot? Don't you want to hear people say "Wow! She's got a great set of gams!" I for one, do. So pain or not, we're going to workout. Eventually you'll learn to love it.

Either that, or I'll hack you off.