Monday, June 22, 2009

Random Parking Lot Idiots

I work smack dab in the middle of downtown Winnipeg. If I was one block over I'd be in the actual center.

As you can imagine, the cost of parking is hideous. I would expect dinner, a movie and sex for the amount you have to pay in most lots.

Luckily for me, right behind my building - and after walking underneath an overpass which houses some train tracks - there is a ginormous parking lot. Or, more specifically, there is a huge expanse of gravel which the City of Winnipeg charges you 5 bucks a day to park in. I consider this a steal, so I park there throughout the spring, summer and fall. Once winter rolls around though, I upgrade to the more costly lots so I can plug my car in. If you don't get -50 temps in the winters, you probably don't get that, but don't you worry.

Anyways, it's basically just a free-for-all of where you're going to park in this beautiful dirt lot.
Most people are smart, and will park in rows, two vehicles deep. This ensures that everyone can get out when their day is done.

But of course, as in any situation, there are always idiots.
Take Idiot #1. He came into the lot late, but decided that he didn't want to walk an extra 20 feet, so he parked directly behind one of the first cars in. In his laziness, he failed to notice that there was already someone on the other side of the car he parked up against.

Now when poor Jim comes out of the government office and needs to get home, he'll be stuck in between the guy that parked properly behind him, and Idiot #1.

Then we have Idiot #2. As with Idiot #1, he was being a lazy ass. He decided to park at the end of a row of cars, ensuring himself a straight shot out of the lot when he was done his day. Little does he care, or realize, that the people parked to the left of him will be unable to get out of their spots until he comes and moves his 1995 Ford Taurus shitbox out of the way.

So far, neither of these types of idiots has boxed me into my spot. That being said, I have absolutely no issue with slashing all 4 of the tires of anyone that is stupid enough to actually do it.

*Please don't be jealous of my mad graphics skills. For a small fee, I can whip you up some top of the line art for your blog, as well.


Blogger Chief Rock Chef said...

The town I used to live in was great for people like this.

The High Street was just about wide enough for 2 cars to pass in opposite directions. No chance of overtaking.

Then some guy would decide that he didn't have time to go and park properly, so he parks on one side of the street. Now there is room for one car at a time, so things start to lock up with people playing chicken to get through the gap. This was usually finished off by the arrival of a huge truck making deliveries...

PS I live the graphics and want some!

3:23 AM  
Blogger Wreggie said...

This is easy. The idiots drive red cars and everyone else drives green cars.

The city should not allow red car drivers to exist.

5:03 AM  
Blogger Slyde said...

i cant believe you took the time to draw us that kick-ass diagram...

that proves you really love us!

(well, ME, anyway)..

9:35 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

I would just smash the shit out of those car if they were parked behind me.
Just make sure that there are no witnesses.

4:15 PM  
Blogger Sitting In Silence said...

Always one village idiot...

Always one !

1:10 AM  
Anonymous Zack said...

love the graphic! So... diagramish! I love that you added color -color sells you know. Hey, if I ever need a parking lot diagram I'll know contact you!

8:50 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

Our shop parking lot gets those same idiots, but some of the local rednecks (I DO live in Montana, so there are quite a few of them) like to show everyone up and let the world know they are on the very TOP of the shit-for-brains list. They will park their HUGE pick-up truck right across the entrance /exit. Nobody can leave until they do.
I've taken to meeting these (ahem)"People" at the front door of the shop and telling them that we will not do business with them until they move their vehicle.
Many times they glare at me, stomp to the truck, then peel out in a fury...
I just don't get people who think the world owes them something.
p.s. I love Wreggie's comment!

2:09 PM  

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