Thursday, May 08, 2008

The Murder and Pillage of Kevin Bacon

Meet my friend, Kevin Bacon. He and I have been buddies for just over a year or so. He used to hang out with me in my office at work, but has since quit his job in publishing to spend time with me while I'm on maternity leave. What a great pig!
Each day at work I would feed him pennies, nickles, dimes and quarters from whatever was left after my daily spending, he was quite the lucky little pig.
Just last week he and I were brainstorming over coffee for ways to bring some extra money in. Soon there will be a baby in this place, and as you know, babies take a lot of money. Kevin kept insisting that he would try to get another job...but really, how much could one little pig contribute to the household, right? It's not like he can move or anything (rumour has it he was in a terrible trough accident years ago and just hasn't been the same since), but he's good for company, and storing my change.

So, imagine my shock when I couldn't find Kevin for a few days! (What with him not being able to move and everything.) I searched high and low - mostly low because he was kind of chubby to get too high - and couldn't find a trace of him! But the mail...I got a package. A package of hideous, grotesque images, straight out of an episode of CSI.

If you can't bear to read on I'll understand...

Inside the package was a slide show of my beloved Kevin Bacon - sliced open and murdered for all the shininess of his insides!The husband's first reaction after crying out in horror was to make mention of the fact that the hand pulling out the guts looked surprisingly which I quickly told him that nobody we knew could be capable of such carnage!
The final image below was almost more than I could handle. I thought about calling the cops but figured I should just lay low for awhile. After all - there are two other little pigs living here with us - and the last thing I need is to have to worry about their safety.

But, just when I thought there was no hope for any happiness in my life again, after a trip to the bank today I was surprised to see a deposit of $98.50 to Butterbean's bank account!

Silly bank, must have messed up on their deposits again...

RIP Kevin Bacon, you will be missed.


Blogger Sitting in Silence said...


You have wayyyyyyyy toooooooo much time on your hands...

But...I have never laughed so hard.....


8:59 PM  
Blogger mr zig said...

I can't believe he is dead. I just can't believe it.

9:29 PM  
Anonymous terri said...

I don't know. Kevin's not looking as good as he used to in his movies. The nose is the same but he's looking a pudgier than he used to. But more importantly, can he still dance like he did in Footloose?

9:35 PM  
Blogger Rock Chef said...

You are nuts!

Love the crosses on his eyes, that was a great touch.

Have a great weekend.

3:35 AM  
Blogger Reggie said...

The X's were a great touch.

He's dead for sure in cartoon land.

5:04 AM  
Blogger mike said...

*goes and downloads footloose*

6:00 AM  
Blogger krista said...

NO! NO! NOT KEVIN BACON! Poor, Poor, Kevin Bacon. I have tears STREAMING down my face. So much time spent with him. Oh, Oh, the horror of those pictures. I will NOT be able to sleep tonight. Who would do such a HORRIBLE thing?! My sympathy goes out to you, Ali. I will be hiding Petunia so nobody can get a hold of her. She was too upset to comment.

Love you! Miss you! Congratulations to Butterbean on the bank mixup!

8:45 AM  
Blogger Rock Chef said...

OK, who is Petunia?

10:02 AM  
Blogger krista said...

Petunia is my pet pig (looks exactly like Kevin Bacon only she's blue). Oh Yeah, and she has WAY, WAY less guts than poor, poor, Kevin Bacon had.

10:48 AM  
Blogger Rock Chef said...

Does that make Petunia a widow? Maybe we need to look out for a new friend for her.

10:55 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

Stupid blogger just erased ALL the responses I had written back to you guys - grrrrr!
Anyways, essentially I'll just say, thanks for humouring me, and for not thinking I'm a total psycho for posting this blog :)

5:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol, I liked it! Poor Kevin.. May he rest in peace.
Hugs, Lesley

11:37 PM  
Blogger Dodi said...

Oh... Lets play "Six Internet Degrees of Kevin Bacon"!

I followed TZ's blog to Sitting in Silence, who I followed to you! I believe that I'm only separated from Kevin Bacon by three degrees, and now he's gone!

*sniffle* I hear he was a great pig.

9:34 PM  

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