Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Jealousy Rears His Ugly Head

When the husband and I were dating, I tended to be quite jealous. But don't forget, I was 14 then and everyone knows 14 year-olds are crazy!
The boyfriend (aka the husband) was jealous himself, but a touch more so than me. As I got older I learned to be less and less jealous - unless something provoked me - and the husband did as well, though at a lesser rate.

Now, something you need to know about both of us is that we are very open, friendly and talkative people. Neither of us has trouble striking up a conversation with a complete stranger, and we both work in fields where that is important. Over the years we've both grown up a lot, and for the most part have come to accept this fact about each other.
When the husband began working at the hospital I decided that I needed to let go of my jealousy once and for all. He works with 95% women every day, so all I would accomplish by being jealous is driving myself nuts! And I'm of the thinking that men and women should be able to be friends, so long as nothing inappropriate is going on. Some of the coolest people I've known have been men, so why not be able to enjoy hanging out with them? Enjoying being with someone of the opposite sex does not always have to mean cheating.
So
, besides the occasional "Oh, who's Jill? Your new girlfriend?" in a singsong voice, I've been very good in the jealousy department. The husband, on the other hand, still has some issues with his jealousy.

The fact of the matter is this - I always have been, and always will be, a flirt. An innocent one, but a flirt nonetheless, and there are times when it comes in handy - please see my blog from last month where I flirted my way out of a speeding ticket.
At my job I work primarily with men, both in the office and over the phone, and guess what? Sometimes being a flirt can get you exactly what you need. When I'm calling the president of a company to explain to him why his magazine is going to be late, I speak just a little softer, giggle just a little more, and talk very soothingly - most of the time when I get off the phone the guy is telling me "no problem, whenever you can get it done is fine." That's not bragging - that's just a fact of life.

In my office I work in a ratio of about 75% men to 25% women. Each day I spend time with the women in my office, they are all wonderful and we have so much fun. But because of the surplus of men I have to talk to them as well, and I do. Some of them I work with more closely than others, some I just chat with once in a while, and a few I very rarely even say 'hi' to. Each day when I come home I am excited to tell the husband about everything that went on that day, including who I spoke to, about what, what sort of drama was going on - the usual. And for the most part he is fine, but there are moments when it is quite obvious that my little nemesis Jealousy is rearing his ugly head.

I don't know if everyone feels this way but here is one of my main concerns about it: if someone is continually jealous over minor, insignificant things, then it becomes harder and harder to tell the truth, always fearful of the other person's reaction.
It was the same thing when I was a teenager and I used to get into trouble. I would tell my mom things that I had done, or that people I hung out with had done - and she would continually get mad at me for my lack of good judgement or my poor choice in friends. It got to the point that I didn't tell her things anymore - things I wanted to share but didn't, just because I was afraid of her reaction.
The same rule applies to Jealousy. Get upset over innocent things, then maybe I will be reluctant to tell you about those things anymore - just to save myself the grief of getting the cold shoulder later on.

But, I realize something now that I'm a bit older. My husband will probably always be a jealous man, my hope is that it will become continually less and less, but I realize that it will always be so. However, I will not be made to feel bad for speaking to and sometimes socializing with members of the opposite sex. Never have I given a reason to cause suspicion about my behaviour, and since that will never happen anyways - I don't think it's fair that I bear the pain-in-the-ass of that little shite Jealousy.

4 Comments:

Blogger Logziella said...

innocent flirting is fun! I got to talk to a guy on one of my plane rides this past weekend and we definately were flirting and it was exilerating. It made me feel young again. I will never see him again, and 'nothing happened', just joking and teasing back & forth AND he told me that he could not believe I was 32!! He could have been lying thru his teeth (which he assured me he was not) but oh well! It felt good darn it!

8:02 AM  
Blogger John said...

I used to be very jealous, but had to learn very quickly that my wife is something of a tom-boy and would prefer to chat to a man about DIY than to a woman about cosmetics. This has probably caused a fair amount of gossip when my wife was helping a neighbour do his garden and used to go off with him in his pick-up for a couple of hours...

Beat down that monster with love and trust!

8:26 AM  
Blogger Terri said...

Well said. I completely agree with you!

12:04 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

Ah, thank you comrades for being on my side!
Logiella - you're right, innocent flirting IS fun. Who doesn't like to feel good about themselves?
John - I'm glad that you learned to trust your wife, there is nothing more exasperating than trying to force someone to trust you! And believe me, I've been trying to kick this monster's ass for a long time!
Terri - thanks! It's nice to have support on this, soooo nice.

12:22 PM  

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