Today is the Day

It’s bright and early Wednesday morning.
Today is the day that I go for my ultrasound where they are “supposedly” going to be telling me just what is going on with my body.

One baby, two babies, no babies – whatever.

I have had about all I can take of this not knowing thing and it’s beginning to take a toll on the husband as well. He’s not talking much these days except to say “I love you babies” referring to me and the one or two in there.

At this point I’m wavering unsteadily on the line between hope and despair. One moment I convince myself that whatever is in my fallopian tube can be removed without damaging anything (besides my heart if it turns out to be a baby) and that the “spot” in my uterus is indeed a growing, healthy baby.

In the next moment I’ve convinced myself of the exact opposite – that either I’ve miscarried the one in my uterus (too many details to get into here – let’s just say that it’s a possibility) and that the fallopian tube “spot” is just, well, it’s bad news regardless of what it turns out to be.

I’m hoping so hard that I don’t really seem to have any hope left.
I’m praying that today will give us some definite answers, regardless of if they’re happy or sad, I just need to know.

If the worst happens I may be taken in for surgery immediately so I’m not sure when I’ll be back to update you.

Fingers crossed, love you guys.