Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Baby, Oh Baby

Okay, since I've been pretty much ignoring the entire blog universe lately and just being selfish and asking you all to pray for me and send me happy thoughts - I figure maybe I should offer up some sort of an explanation. I won't tell every detail but this will give you all an idea about what my problem has been lately.

Okay, where to I'm sure most of you know, the husband and I have been trying to have a baby. We've actually been trying for over 2 years now with no luck. Just under a year ago I began going to a fertility specialist to find out what was preventing me from getting pregnant. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS as it is more commonly known. This involves a whole bunch of hormones, your body's ability to create the right amount of insulin, signals not being sent properly from your brain to your ovaries - just a whole bunch of stuff that is hard to understand.
Anyways, about 6 months ago I began taking Metf.ormin, a drug that was supposed to help my body regulate itself and, in time, ovulate when it should. You begin by taking one pill a day, then gradually work yourself up to two a day, then finally up to three. For the first 3 months I took the pills I was sick every day. And I'm not exagerating. Every single day I was sick - it was gross and horrible but I decided that if that was what I needed to do to have a baby then I would do it.
About two months ago my doctor decided to also put me on a fertility drug, Cl.omid. This is the type of drug that will force your body to ovulate and the chances are higher that you may actually have twins or even triplets. The percentages don't go up that much, but because twins run in my family, I was already at a heightened risk for multiples.

Whatever, last month I took my first round of Clomi.d along with the Metfo.rmin. I didn't feel sick or notice any change in myself. The only difference was that instead of getting blood work done a couple times a month, I seemed to be having it done a couple times a week. Once again, I decided that I would just deal with it, if this was going to help me have a baby.

Fast forward to two weeks ago today. I peed on a stick. Holy shit. I was pregnant. I freaked. You have no idea. I bawled forever and was in total shock that whole day.

So yay, I have a positive pregnancy test (actually 3) for the first time in my life. So I went to my specialist for an appointment - he congratulates me, tells me I need an ultrasound to make sure "there is only one in there" to which I replied "I don't care how many are in there, I'm taking them all!" So as I'm laying there all sprawled out, he tells me that he can't actually see anything yet - maybe it's too early. It turns out that yes, I do ovulate a week later than a "normal" person so it would be too early for this particular ultrasound.

I go and have disgusting amounts of blood taken to make sure that all my "levels" are normal and that I don't have any STD's or anything.

The next week I go back for another ultrasound, I thought I was going to throw up in the waiting room because, of course, I've convinced myself that something must have happened and maybe I'm not really pregnant. The husband and I get called in and the doctor says not to worry, my pregnancy hormone levels are rising like they're supposed to and let's go down the hall for another ultrasound to reassure me.

"Huh" he says as he's probing around with his "wand" in there, "I still can't see anything." At this point I am laying on the table with this wand pushing around in there and trying very hard not to cry. I told him that I can't wait another week to find out what's going on because I'm making myself crazy. It's true - at work especially I have been right out to lunch every day because I'm panicking.

He tells me that he's sending me to the hospital (the biggest one in the province, where my husband actually works) for an ultrasound there because their equipment is much newer and fancier.

So today I went in with a tech and a student and they do both kinds of ultrasounds - the stomach one and the vaginal (sorry guys!) one. The vaginal one lasted for about 30 minutes - not fun. Then they tell me that they have to get the doctor to read the scans and give his diagnosis - no problem, I'd like the doctor to tell me anyway.

Five minutes later they come back in and tell me to go pee, because the doctor wants to come in and have a look for himself and is that okay? At this point I have no shame, so it makes no difference who wants to "have a look."

He comes in, spends another 15 minutes "looking around" in there and then tells me that he needs to go call my specialist. WHAT!? Tell me what the hell is going on! Finally the tech tells me that they think they can see an early pregnancy in the uterous, but there is "another spot of interest" in my fallopian tube. What that means, I still don't know for sure. All I know is that I have another appointment with my specialist tomorrow and another appointment at the hospital next Wednesday, so that means I will probably be making a visit to the vampires every day until then.

As of this moment, I have no idea if the pregnancy is progressing as it should, I don't know what the "spot of interest" actually is, or how it will affect me or the supposed pregnancy, and I am, of course, making myself sick about the whole thing. And as I'm typing this all I can think is that I hope no one from my work reads this (besides the ones who know what's going on) because I really don't want many people to know until I really know what's going on myself.

I realize that this may be more details than you needed, and that it was very long-winded - but this is the first time I've felt like blogging in a while, so this is what you get. Sorry it's not happier.

Anyways, I've missed you all and I am back for now - thanks for all your happy thoughts and luck you've sent my way, I appreciate it more than you can know.


Blogger Mojonah said...

I am sorry for all that you have had to go sounds sooooooo rough! I am THRILLED that you might be or are pregnant!! That is so wonderful! Will continue to pray for you that all will be well, and that you will have an 'uneventful' pregnancy!

8:07 AM  
Blogger j.k.a said...

you're in my prayers for sure hon, I know how it goes with the doctors being vague and the agony of waiting....hang in there!

3:44 PM  
Blogger Logziella said...

I have had a few of those "V" ultrasounds as well...not fun!

I am glad to hear that you have lost all of your 'caring' about who 'looks' b/c that was about to go anyway since now... YOU ARE PREGNANT...YEAH!!!

I am SO sorry that the news that you waited SO long to hear had to be coupled with 'other junk'!

You have got a team of ladies who care about you and are praying for you...try not to worry and just focus on the fact that YOU ARE PREGNANT! I know...easy for me to say...hang in there you and I am so happy for you!

8:15 PM  
Blogger James said...

Hey Ali I don't know if this will be welcome or not but you have a man rooting for you too as well as your "girl team".

This is the first time I looked in on your blog (from logziella's she seems to be like a nexus for a lot of bloggers)and I read your story.

All that stuff you have had to go through already. I was thinking "Oh, Ali..." I really hope that things work out for you this first time around but signs are good. Two things:
#1 Pregnancy hormones are a pretty good definite sign- the body doesn't produce these by accident.
#2 your body has shown that it is capable of getting pregnant which is a HUGE positive bit of information that you never had before.

Just try not to worry and let things take their course.
I hope you did not mind me commenting.
Ps My first wife was a Gemini. She had to go in the end but I DO have an insight into the Gemini mind and I know you get a bit flustered

4:16 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

Thanks to all of you awesome people, your well wishes and thoughts help me out so much on a daily basis.

James, welcome to you, and of course you are welcome to comment whenever you like - it's too bad you had to find my blog when I'm in a sort of dark place, but I hope you enjoy yourself anyways. I've been peeking in on your life for the last month or so.
I appreciate your man's perspective and that you point out the positive.
I also hope that you are not completely tainted against us Geminis since your first wife. We are all a little kooky, but good people for the most part!

9:18 AM  
Blogger Amos said...

Ok girl, I have been on vacation and while talking to Logzie she told me the news. I totally understand all the "scare" that the doctors are putting on you. It took us 2 1/2 years to get pregnant with our first one, only to find out half way thru that he might have downs syndrome. Well, all of it was false and we have a happy healthy five year old boy. I was going to ask you if you were pregnant after you talking about craving meat and lots of emotion. It all sounded a little like a baby. Know that you are in my prayers here in Oklahoma too, concentrate on the positive, the doctors can tell you all they want, but your positive thoughts can overrule them.

10:00 PM  

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