Friday, November 24, 2006

Brokedown...But Slowly Being Put Back Together

So last night I finally had a really good meltdown. Probably more women than men will know what I'm talking about - you know the kind where it starts out as a little cry to yourself with a few tears and quickly escalades into a full out sob fest? Where you're bawling huge crocodile tears, and are sobbing so hard that it's hard to catch your breath and you're noisy and snotty and kind of heaving and doing that gulping noise each time you try to breathe?
I walked in the door last night, sat down in a chair, wrapped myself in a blanket and let 'er rip. The husband was trying to make supper and was running back and forth between the kitchen and the barbeque and me, trying not to burn everything but comforting me as well. Finally he was done cooking and he came over and kneeled down in front of me and pulled me over and just let me sob.
I don't know about you, but those kinds of cries don't happen too often, but when they do, I feel completely exhasted after (both mentally and physically) and usually sleep like a baby after.
And I did, I slept better than I have in weeks - and today I had a much better outlook on everything. It was just what I needed to get all my pent up frustration out and realize that although I know it deep down already, I really can't do anything about my current situation and so I just have to trust that "someone" knows what he's doing.
Now enough about that.

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I plan on spending this weekend decorating my house for Christmas and making another attempt at writing my Christmas cards (note that I say "attempt" because it probably won't really happen). The husband is working days at the hospital so I will have the place to myself for the most part. I also brought home quite a bit of work to keep myself busy.
I'm also planning on catching up on some of my blog reading - it's funny that I almost feel guilty when I don't post, or when I don't have time to check all of your blogs each day.
I look forward to reading Zig's, even though half the time I know what he's writing about because we've talked about it at work, then I always read Alyssa's too - it's funny to read a husband and wife's perspectives on things.
Then I always jump to Reggie's, sometimes checking in on him for a moment on his office cam to see if he actually made it to work that day or if he's doing some golfing instead. You can always tell if he's in or not because of his laptop.
Next I pop in at Tee's, although he's very naughty and is even worse at updating his blog than I have been lately.
Finally I stop in at Logziella's because hers takes the longest. No, not because you write too much (I love lots of writing - the more the better), but because then I branch off and read Amos, and Mojonah and all the rest.
Then after all of those, I have a list of blogs that I read each day that are totally separate from all you guys. Most are ones that I've stumbled upon by accident and some I've found while looking for infertility stuff.
Each one of you have little things that I like. It's funny, how attached I've become to all of you.
Some of you I feel like I actually know, and can connect with on different things. Logziella, for example, is someone that I have grown very fond of, and I actually wait for her comments everyday - she always writes the funniest little things, and is so genuine in her best wishes.
You are all fabulous in your own ways, and I love that I am able to share in and read about your lives each day, I'm happy to "know" you all.

2 Comments:

Blogger Logziella said...

Oh Ali,
I never would have guessed that you could grow so close to someone simply by being bloggy friends! But I really do feel like I know you b/c you are so 'real' on your blog. I love that you are sharing your struggles, as have I, b/c then I feel like I may be able to be of some help. Nobody should 'go it alone'. I really do think about you everyday and girlfriend, it was killing me to not see a post from you for so long b/c I was worried about you! You already know I worry about you. (But please don't ever let the fact that I worry when you don't get a chance to blog bring any more added stress to a situation...I can wait and if I get too worried, I'll just e-mail you...and you know I will :-) ).
Yeah, I have had a few of those 'cry fests'...it's totally a woman thing! But just as sweating detoxifies our bodies...I think crying does too.
I am glad to hear that The Husband is being so supportive of you. He sounds like a gem! You WILL get thru this...and in the end you will have the most beautiful baby in your arms...those arms have waited SO long!
Love you girl!
Teresa

12:09 PM  
Anonymous Reggie said...

Oh I am too easy to read. I am happy for all of your highs and lows. They make life full and give you priceless experience.

4:21 PM  

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