Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Only In A Small Town...

Okay, quick back history of Saturday here to catch you all up to speed, so that you understand the hilarity, grossness, and small-townishness of this story...

My brother went to prom Saturday night, all decked out in the tux and everything. He wanted to drive his date around in his '69 Mustang. He's too young to actually drive it yet, so the husband offered to be his chauffeur. They came back to the house not long before the prom was supposed to start so we could snap some pictures of him and his date all dressed up, but when they went back out to start the 'Stang again, it wouldn't start.

Husband popped the hood to take a look, and noticed that some sort of animal had taken up residence alongside the motor, and had built one huge-ass nest for itself. With no sign of the animal, he began pulling the nest from the car, throwing huge handfulls of it on the driveway. Eventually they just went to prom in another car, and late that night husband and I put the car in neutral and pushed it farther into the driveway to get it out of the way.

Sunday morning...

After church, husband, my brother and my dad all went out to the driveway so they could show my dad where the nest had been under the hood. After they had been outside for a few moments, my mom and I heard my dad yell "Matthew, grab me that broom!" so we ran over to the window in time to see my dad looking underneath the car, husband yelling "Ian! (that's my dad) He's under the car! There he goes running up the bank!", then both of them scrambling up the bank after some sort of creature, and my brother standing staring at them both.

My mom and I were shocked to see the size of the animal that came out of that car, it was freaking enormous! By vehicle nest standards anyways...

But while we were expecting maybe squirrels or something, instead it was a huge brown, lumbering animal, like an overgrown rodent, dragging it's chubby butt across the yard into the "safety" of the row of trees behind the house. Husband started following it to see where it would go, and the stupid thing stopped in the trees, and apparently was too tired to run any further.

As my mom and I stood there with our mouths hanging open, my dad looked over at my brother, and in the best John Wayne-esque voice ever (and what made it even funnier is that he wasn't trying to sound like John Wayne) he said very slowly "Matthew, go in the house - and get me the 4-10 and one shell."

So then I started yelling "You're going to shoot it!?!?! What?!?! And my mom said to me in a sarcastic tone "Apparently it's suddenly legal to shoot a shotgun in town..." Then I handed the baby to my mom and went running for my camera, just as my brother was running out the door with the shotgun and the one shell my dad had asked for.

As I was coming back out of the bedroom I heard a "BOOM!" and knew it was too late. All I managed to get on camera was my dad sauntering back from the row of trees with the gun and then hearing him say "Well, now he knows what a 4-10 is anyways."

I couldn't help it, as sad as the situation was for that animal, my mom and I were killing ourselves laughing about the whole thing. The whole scenario lasted less than 5 minutes, but there was all this yelling and tracking, and a shotgun?!?!? I mean, where else could you shoot that in town, and basically have the cops wave at you as they drive by?

I went to look at the animal later, and holy hell! Was it ever scary looking! It had these two huge fangs and my dad guessed it to weigh about 16 pounds. That's a big animal to fit under a hood...

And I know, there will be those of you who think this is a really gross and mean story, but it was actually causing damage to the inside of my brother's car, and had already built a new nest within hours. So, though it may have been gross, it was still funny...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok, I did laugh at your Dad doing what he did... but what animal was it?
Hope your having a great time.

2:25 AM  
Blogger Chief Rock Chef said...

Well done Dad! You can't have a sucker like that running around near the house!

Guns are a thing were a lot of common sense can be applied - local guy with a 4-10 for a spot of hunting and vermin control? No problem. Teenager with a .38? Problem!

Good to hear you are having fun.

3:11 AM  
Blogger mr zig said...

Oh man, that was awesome - and just like you said "only in a small town" hahaha...I love small town stories :)

6:17 AM  
Blogger Princess of the Universe said...

Yes, what was the animal????

7:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm curious to know what it was! That is hilarious!

My brother once had an cat take up residence inside the hood of his truck. He had seen it crawling in and out while the truck sat in the driveway and shooed it away a number of times. One night he made the 45 minute drive to work, worked his 8 hour shift, came out to the parking lot and was chatting with a coworker when he heard a loud "MEOW." He opened the hood and there was his friend. So he took him home, INSIDE the cab of the truck this time and named him "Butters." (Apparently a South Park reference.)

7:26 AM  
Blogger Backpacker momma said...

Too funny, love the slow talking dad part, awesome. And his confidence with wanting just one shell, thats great!

8:51 AM  

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