Monday, June 16, 2008

Long Lost...Treasures?

While I've been home at my parent's in Ontario, I'm finding the days slow - how I like them - but since I don't get out a whole hell of a lot, I've begun helping my mom de-clutter. They have an enormous house and waaaaay too much crap.

I'm being "helpful" by secretly tossing little things out that I know she won't notice, but I've also volunteered my services to donate the stuff she can't bear to toss. At least then maybe I can encourage her to part with some of it.

So in an attempt to show her how easy it is to get rid of things when you really get into that mind frame, I started out in my old bedroom. I began with the dresser, which, even though I haven't lived there in 10 years, is miraculously still stuffed with my crap, and things that have just gotten shoved in it over the years with hurried cleanings.

The first drawer was easy peasy - cut offs from one day last summer when I was so hot I couldn't take it anymore, so I stood in the yard and ripped the legs off my jeans, the t-shirt from the same day which had also been ripped to shreds, a pair of actual shorts I can't believe I ever actually fit into, a Gap hoodie my dad bought me to leave there so I would quit stealing his clothes when I was cold, and a slinky little dress I had worn for the Millennium celebrations. I got rid of everything but the hoodie.

Second drawer was easy too - for some reason it was full of money rolls...empty ones, but money rolls nonetheless. My mom must have a shitload of change to roll somewhere...

Third drawer things got a little more complicated. It was full of little things I had gotten when my grandma passed away a couple years ago; her engagement ring, a scarf she'd worn a lot, some skeleton keys that had been my grandpa's when he worked on the railroad, our family tartan and crest, a copy of the newspaper with her obituary in it. I moved all those things into my hope chest for safe keeping.

The fourth drawer was full of more clothes, which I promptly dumped into the donation box.

The fifth was full of junk my mom needs to deal with - though I helped by throwing a couple things out, hehe.

But the last drawer...well, it was full of my things...and it was quite the little collection I might say. Ahem.

In it, to name a few things, were my garter from my wedding, the tiara I wore, a stuffed penis that I was forced to wear on my shirt during my stagette, two small bottles of booze I had picked up in the Dominican a few years ago - I bought them because the booze is supposed to be an aphrodisiac - I put them in the garbage pile, but then thought better of it and put them in the keep pile :) , a lighter, and the icing on the cake, a pair of handcuffs.

Yeah. So. That was an interesting drawer, and it brought back some fond memories, hehe.

But now I'm a little concerned about what I might find by helping my mom go through her stuff...


Blogger Chief Rock Chef said...

Now I am suspecting that the handcuffs are going home with you...

3:37 AM  
Anonymous terri said...

Aphrodisiacs, a stuffed penis and some handcuffs...And these things were left unattended in your parents' house? Well, at least they were rescued and can now be put to good use at home. Just make sure they are well hidden before Ellery is old enough to go snooping through your stuff!

10:55 AM  
Blogger Reggie said...

I think I remember you ripping up the shirt last summer?

Drink the booze now that you can and I am not sure what to do with the penis.

12:25 PM  
Blogger mr zig said...

So where are these handcuffs now? hmmm??? hmmmm???

3:09 PM  
Blogger Sitting in Silence said...

LMAO....a stuffed penis and handcuffs LMAO...

So are they packed in your take home bag yet ?

D x

8:06 PM  
Blogger Lesley said...

lmao... What Interesting draws you have there!
Now the tune "memories" starts playing in the background..

2:50 AM  
Blogger Chief Rock Chef said...

So, as everyone seems to be fixated on the stuffed penis, exactly what is it like? I mean, is it a dead one that has been sent to the taxidermist?

5:07 AM  
Blogger tz said...

adorable pic below...
don't worry about going through your mom's stuff...parents don't do things like that ;)

5:05 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

You crack me up, Ali!

7:43 AM  
Blogger Teresa said...

Quite an um...*cough*...interesting assortment of um...memories you have there Ali. LOL!! Serioulsy, don't we all have drawers like that?? LOL!!!

I was SO bad when I was younger (not anymore though) and I used to snoop thru all my parents stuff...found a porn video (disgusting! but yes, my friends and I did watch it!)...a key chain of a naked man and woman doing 'something' and other werid stuff. Don't get me started about how I used to snoop when I would babysit for people! I'm ashamed of myself NOW but was oh so much fun!

7:16 AM  
Blogger James said...

Truthful Warrior Maiden,
this post cracked me up. Thanks for sharing the contents of your draws with us

2:31 AM  

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