Duh, Duh, Duuuuuuuhhhhh

And no, that's not Duh like I'm being slow in the head - it's duh like the sound effect for a perilous situation. Because today...is the day I break it to my work that I'm pregnant...and that hell yes I'm taking my whole year off.

I thought I would be more worried about telling - and maybe I will be a little later in the day, closer to "the time" - but for now I'm feeling pretty lax about the whole thing. Maybe because work has been so busy lately, and such a pain in the ass, that I'm not feeling quite so bad about being gone.

It's silly really, to feel guilty about taking time off for something like having a baby, but I guess it just shows that I have a conscience (Ha! See Mom? I DO have a conscience!).

One of my friends and I were talking about it, and she pointed out how happy everyone at work was when Zig told everyone Alyssa was pregnant. Well of course they were happy! And they will be happy for me too - most of them anyways. But Zig was gone for three weeks - I will be gone for 12 months.
There is a wee bit of difference in those numbers.

I know, most people are probably thinking "they'll just hire someone else for the year - why are you thinking it will be such a problem?" It's not that I don't think there is someone else out there capable of my job - because of course there is. However, it takes some time to get used to this job; each magazine is laid out a little different, each client has their idiosyncrasies, and I worked very hard to develop the rapport I have with each and every one of my contacts. I even have different ways of speaking with each of these guys, because they all like to be handled in their own way (and I can hear you snickering, all you little dirties, because you took that last line completely out of context - shame, shame).

And quite honestly, if we can find a way to swing it, after 6 months I'd like to be able to start working again. But it would be from home, and I wouldn't take all my mag titles with me; but I could at least help out with some of the ones that I know inside and out, and that I really enjoy doing. I wouldn't even mind making an appearance at the office once a week or so, because I love these people, I love my job, and really, I don't like the idea of being completely cut off from my job for an entire year.

Zig and Krista asked me when I'm going to break the news to our boss - I said I think after lunch, unless she does something to piss me off before that...because then I'll just spit it out.

I plan on updating this after I break the news, so stay tuned...


Update:
My boss took it rather well - but I think she may have been in a bit of shock. She kept saying "Awww, you're going to be a mommy!", which was good, and I appreciated it. But then she asked me how far along I was and I told her 5.5 months and she just looked at me. Then she got up from her desk and gave me the stare down and kept saying "There is no way you're 5.5 months! You can't even tell you're pregnant!"
Yeah...I know...people keep telling me that. Maybe I just notice it because I see myself without clothes? I don't know.
So, even though I know part of her reaction was forced, partly because she was shocked, partly because in the back of her mind she was going "oh shit!" - I think that because she knows what we've been through, it did a lot to soften to blow. A little piece of her was genuinely happy.
It's funny how after I went back into the production office and was telling Krista and Zig what she said it sort of hit me as reality that I was pregnant. I think because work was the only place that didn't know...and now they do...it's a weird feeling.

Anyways, I'm glad everyone knows now, and little Butterbean is a secret no more!