Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Just Use the Dirty Words Already!

Monica's mom is an avid reader. She reads anything and everything, thus has a substantial book collection. History books, classic books, trashy novels, lots of books on Scotland (where she's from), you name it, she reads it.

I used to be a reader, but in recent years have had a hard time fitting any extra reading into my life. One of the reasons for that is that usually when I pick up a book I can't set it down. I have very little willpower in that regard.

Over Christmas I spent a lot of time at Monica's parents house, and decided to borrow some of her mom's books. I just wanted something easy to read, that I could pick up and put down without much effort, and therefore ended up with a stack of mostly trashy/romance type stuff. I've been reading them at a rate of about a book a day. I play with Ellery when she's awake, but the reading could be the reason my house in such a particularly hideous state of disarray.

Is it possible for me to just say what I want to say without a 10 paragraph long precursor? I think not. Holy.

Anyways, as I was saying, I now have a huge stack of easy-to-read smut books, that I am whipping through at breakneck speed.

Wow, that was way easier than writing all that other junk up above...

Okay, right! So yeah, I've made an annoying discovery in these books when there is some sort of sex scene going on.

For some reason, these authors like to use the word "sex" as a sexy substitute for the words penis or vagina.

For example: Just when Helga and Brutus' heavy make-out session is going to turn into some passionate lovemaking, the author will write a couple lines like: Helga was overcome with lust for Brutus. As he expertly danced his fingers down her naked stomach towards her sex, he could feel his own sex busting to get out of his trousers.

Yeah. That's about as sexy as getting your yearly physical done by your pervy uncle.

I realize "penis" and "vagina" don't come across as very sexy either, but come on! Anyone reading this trash knows damn well there's going to be sex scenes, so just use the dirty words already!

7 Comments:

Blogger Chief Rock Chef said...

I will take you word for that - I haven't read that sort of book and don't intend to start now!

Is it related to censorship? Does using the dirty word suddenly make it a porn story only available in a sex shop?

Surely you can find something slightly better than this to read? I can see I have to write my next short story!

11:24 AM  
Blogger Wreggie said...

I started breathing short shallow breaths over that one paragraph.

Start writing dirty books Ali!

12:11 PM  
Blogger terri said...

OMG, I am busting a gut here. I have read a trashy romance novel now and again and they are just so CHEESY! So now they're saying "sex" in place of "his throbbing love shaft?"

LOL... OK... remember when you said snowblowing in my comments? I'm having the same kind of reaction now! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!

6:56 PM  
Blogger Sitting in Silence said...

PMSL....@ Wreggie ?
Dare I even ask what a "snowblowing" is LOL ?
xoxox

2:58 AM  
Blogger tz said...

hahahaha, so maybe it's because i'm in nursing school but having his 'sex burst' seems very painful and in need of some medical management...

I answered your inteview questions fyi...and welcome back

7:01 AM  
Blogger Slyde said...

ive noticed alot of authors using "sex" in their writing too.

im reading george r.r. martin right now and he uses it alot.

11:35 AM  
Blogger James said...

Trouble is if the writer starts using ahem other words for people's bits then what is fruity but OK for one reader will be way too rude for someone else.
How about his "urgent manhood" and her "delicate maidenhood".

I can't wait to read your novel Ali! Glad you are feeling better

2:44 AM  

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