My Wish For You

Is for health, happiness, joy and love to abound in each of your lives in the New Year.
Hold each other tight, appreciate what you've got, and know that I'll be thinking about each of you on Christmas morning - sending love and sloppy kisses to all.

Dear Santa,

Hey there jolly man, what's shakin'? Besides your belly I mean.

Let's get right down to business, shall we? I've been naughty this year. Quite naughty.

I realize it's only a few days till Christmas and that it might be a bit late to try and redeem myself, but I figured I'd write a letter to 'fess up to most of it, as a way of wiping the slate clean...especially since I've heard you have the power to "know if I've been bad or good", so we won't kid ourselves and pretend any of this is news to you.

1. I used my fair share of expletives throughout the year. Probably many people's share of expletives.

2. I've told a white lie or two...or three or four or maybe even about 400. Whoops.

3. I've had lustful thoughts for...hey, wait a sec! This isn't confession - strike that one.

4. I've beat up on my younger brother. Though I really don't see how it could possibly be my fault if he sucks at defending himself, he's bigger than me!

5. I forgot to call my grandma on her 80th birthday. I'm actually mad at myself over that one, but I totally made up for it when I finally did remember to call.

6. I've used the power of the pout on helpless victims - even when I didn't really deserve to get my way.

7. Hmm, you know what? I can't really think of anything else I've done that would really be considered naughty. I guess I haven't really been that bad after all - yay me!


Wishing you a safe journey Christmas Eve, Ali



P.S. If you say, happen to remember anything else I might have been naughty for, there will be a bottle of Crown Royal and an envelope with 50 bucks waiting for you by my stocking. Peace out.

One Year Ago Today...

I was going through one of the worst moments of my entire life - wondering if I would survive the night and beating myself up over the loss of a baby.

So much has changed in the past 365 days, most for the better, some for the worse, but who would have predicted I'd be where I am now?

It still breaks my heart to think about the baby we lost in such a very tragic way, but I just keep telling myself that for some reason, some higher power decided that it was not meant to be, and that they must have known best.

But I know, almost more than I know anything else, that that child is part of the reason we're expecting Butterbean now. There is a guardian up there for Butterbean, that will protect and watch over them like any good sibling would.

I guess this is my thank you to them and to all of you, for the love and support that so astounded me, and still does, every day.

I love you all very much.

Holy Crappity

Ugh. Why is it that all I can seem to write these days are random mis-matched posts with 25 thoughts going on? I wish I at least had the excuse that my life is so thrilling that all I can manage is the occasional sporadic post of breathless events and social engagements. Too bad that is so very far from the truth.

One of Reggie's recent posts has inspired me to throw caution to the wind and abandon my usual practice of numbering the goings on to make them more understandable. Instead I'll just type as they come...I understand if you just skip this post completely.

Last week was wild at work. For once I'm not going to get into it - but it was another one of those mouthhangingopen, areyoukiddingme, whatthefu$#isgoingonaroundhere kind of weeks. There were many expletives and door slammings flying about.

Friday night I was supposed to head out of town for a "girl's party" at one of my friends places. This translates into a gaggle of 20 somethings consuming copious amounts of liquor and fattening food, whilst gossiping, laughing, and occasionally busting into song when a good tune comes on. Sorry to disappoint the boys who figure that it is really one giant sexy pillow fight, complete with lingerie and "accidental" kissing.
Anyways, at the ninth hour I did a very naughty thing. I texted my girlfriend and lied about why I couldn't come. Yep. I am a dirty liar. But at that point in time I just couldn't force myself to drive 45 minutes out of town to eat, but not be able to drink, only to have to drive back into the city early the next morning, especially with it already being the ungodly hour of 6pm.

Saturday morning the husband and I went out to Perkins for breakfast - one of our favourite weekend activities. Ordinarily I hate Perkins food, and the 1988 decor leaves much to be desired; however, they make really kick-ass breakfasts.
Anyways, I had noticed our food seemed to be taking a while, and the restaurant was swamped, but that thought was fleeting as I was trying to finagle a plan to get myself a new cell phone.
About 10 minutes after I thought maybe we had been waiting a while, our waitress came over and apologized for the wait, and said our bill was taken care of. Score! Then the manager came over and told us the same thing, then handed us a $20 gift certificate by way of apology. Score again!
Weird. For once I was totally relaxed about having to wait and it got us a couple free meals. Hmmm.

Saturday night I was to go with the husband to his staff Christmas party. At about 2pm he went for a nap but I decided to stay up because I was hungry. My food of choice was a soft pretzel I had bought the day before, which had also come with a cheese sauce. I paid no mind to the fact that it had been sitting in my car for about 3 hours the night before, and then sitting on my counter the 16 or so hours since. That is, until 20 minutes after I ate it I was rocked by stabbing pains in my stomach and was hugging the porcelain throne.
Needless to say I didn't end up going to the party, and spent half the night bawling because I was worried poor little Butterbean was suffering through their own tiny set of cramps because of my stupidity.

Sunday I met Princess for lunch, as has become our sort of standing date, but this time was also delighted to have BackpackerMomma and her daughter McK along with us. I love meeting blog people. In a way it's frightening, but so exciting as well.
She was awesome, never batting an eye when I would bust into some ridiculously large laugh, or when I began to get antsy over our sporadic, spastic server. She even brought presents! Now I don't know about you, but I can't really think of a better lunch date than that.
Plus, McK was so precious - and one of the cutest little girls I have ever seen - and I loved the fact that she wasn't shy. Yay! I, of course, was late, but after a few moments of intense eye contact, McK seemed to deem me acceptable, and it wasn't long before there were pictures being passed out like alcoholic bevvies.
She kept saying "Hey you girls" to Princess and I every time she wanted our attention, and was very accurate in her description of the stellar bathrooms.

Sunday night the husband and I headed over to Zig and Alyssa's to pick them up before heading out for an evening of coffee, dessert and jazz. Oh yeah - I was in heaven. Jazz has made a big comeback in my life as of late, I've missed it.

What else, what else?

Oh yeah, I did manage to get myself a new cell, as my baby pink Razr wasn't holding a charge for longer than one phone call. I landed myself a Blackberry Pearl, which makes me feel ultra-cool, never mind the fact that I can barely turn it on because it's so complicated.

The other thing? Butterbean needs a serious talking to, and apparently they are not willing to listen to me...already.
Every single night I am up between 1 and 2am. Like, I sit bolt upright and am wide awake. And it started out lasting about an hour before I was ready to force myself back to bed, but is now inching its way up to an hour and a half.

The husband and I have been reading that the baby should be in a routine of awake and resting periods now, and all we can think of is that Butterbean has decided that when I am in a deep sleep is the perfect time for them to show off.

I've tried having "discussions" with them that I need my sleep but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference.

I'm getting desperate - anybody have any suggestions?

A Mismatch of Random Goings-On

1. I am back to being in my wonderful mood. After Monday I managed to calm down about the crazy, conniving editor from hell. Work is still busy, but I am happy and giggly - my favourite way to be.

2. Tuesday morning I was backing out of my parking spot at home, singing away to some random song on the radio, when BAM! I slammed into something. Hard. I whipped around and saw a white car directly behind me - backing out of his spot. And, it turns out, he had actually slammed into me.
Some talking ensued - I think the guy was actually scared of me - we looked at the damage - Bruce has some minor scratches, his car has a smashed bumper. Then he said "well I just went, then I looked and I saw you, but it was too late."
I already knew it was his fault, but the genius actually told me he didn't look before backing up.
We exchanged info, and sometime next week I may take Bruce for a little check up, but otherwise he's fine.
I, on the other hand, am in pain. My low back and neck are quite swollen - which I became acutely aware of last night when my chiropractor went to adjust my low back. Just before she adjusted me she felt around my tailbone saying "oh girly, you are really swollen" and then SLAM! she pushed on me so hard that my feet and arms shot up and I let out a string of expletives.
Now I'm stiffening up and am quite sore, but I hope it will pass with some ice, another visit to her, and a little bit of time.

3. We got our new tv...or should I say, we got our new movie screen. (Man I feel old for saying that!) The husband and my father in law set it up last night - it is definitely going to take some getting used to. The husband is as excited as a 5 year old that was just informed he could have anything he wanted for Christmas - I keep expecting him to start clapping.

4. Here are a couple pictures from Butterbean's ultrasound last week. It's a bit freaky because in the ones where they are facing forward they look a little alienish. But apparently this is the week they will start to get some fat on their body, so maybe by our next ultrasound they will be a bit more filled out.
Regardless, I am "awww-ing" every time I look at the pictures.
(And yes, I know I'm saying "they" but there is definitely only one!)

Butterbean's profile shot.

And my personal favourite - looking right at us (see what I mean about alienish?) and waving.

5. My mother in law and I went shopping last night. It was a gong show. Just her and I went in the store originally, but then I walked out with the first shirt on, and I had the fake belly on so we could see how the clothes would fit later, and then she was all teary, and calling my sister in law in to "see how cute she is!", and my sister in law dragged in her boyfriend, then Chris came in, who eyed that belly and said "wow, that came out of nowhere!", then my father in law was in there, and of course the sales girl was standing there ever smiling at everything I tried on.

I ended up with 3 new pairs of jeans and about 6 new shirts; it was a good haul. And the final tally on the cash wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
And the really weird part? Those jeans make my butt look better than any of the jeans I own now...I wonder if there is any way I could wear them the rest of my life?

Grrrr

I am cranky. Very cranky.

I started out this day in a wonderful, delightful, happy mood. It lasted until about 1:30. That's when the shit hit the fan.

There is this one particular associate editor I work with that has to be one of the stupidest, most annoying, blatant liars I have ever had the displeasure of working with. She consistently messes things up, sends things in late, complains to the highest power (at my work anyways) about me, and completely destroys things that could be a lot simpler was she not involved.

The stupid part on my end is that I am always surprised when she proves time and time again what a wretched person she is. It's like I forget from email to email.

She will email me at 1:28 on a Sunday afternoon, then again on Monday morning at 7:32 asking the same thing, then if I don't get back to her by 10 she's calling my superiors to report that I'm not getting back to her.

Never mind the fact that I don't do this job freelance - so I am NOT checking my work email on a weekend. Never mind the fact that there are currently 5 other magazines on my plate. Never mind the fact that there were also 25 other emails waiting for me when I got to work. Never mind that I had a conference call at 9 that lasted an entire hour. No - never mind all that! Let me get back to you about your stupid ass question- which, by the way, you know the answer to, because I answered it last time we worked together on this magazine.

This woman consistently covers her own ass and does what she can to get me into trouble. I have noted each and every time that she has lied to me - nothing I can prove without a doubt, but stuff that can be explained as only being caused by her. Zig and my other boss are very much aware of what this woman is capable of, which is why I tell both of them the second she does something I know is going to come back to bite me. I have about 4000 emails from her because I'm afraid to delete anything.

But today...today was the last straw. I caught her in a lie. A lie that I can absolutely prove in more than one way. I was so upset at how ballsy she was about it - I called her on the phone "innocently" to ask her about it, as she was making it out to be my fault - that I was having chest pain this afternoon...and fighting back tears. I dragged Zig into my office to show him what I had discovered and his mouth actually dropped open.

Bitch. You're going down.

Awwww x Three

1. We saw Butterbean's baby bits. It was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. We paid a small fortune for the ultrasound, but ended up with some pictures, a cd of more pictures, and a dvd recording of the whole thing - it was worth the money.
The husband and I were calm, cool and collected throughout the whole thing - throwing in the obligatory "Awww" when we saw a really clear image of anything, but staying pretty calm. But then...well then we walked out to the car, got in...and I started to shriek. Like shriek and squeal, and laugh, and cry - and I couldn't stop myself. The husband was crying too (a very manly cry of course) but was more in a state of shock. And not over the sex of the baby so much, but more because it was so real!
I have to be honest, I keep waiting for a doctor or nurse somewhere along the line to tell me I'm not really pregnant. I guess because of all the hooplah and heartache to get to this point I just find it hard to grasp. But this - well this just made it real - which is why we spent the next 2 hours or so saying "I just can't believe it" back and forth to each other.

And I found out yesterday that my "official" hospital ultrasound is on December 31st, so we get to do it all over again in a few weeks - yay!

2. Remember the other day when I was feeling like a walking piece of ass? I was miserable to the point of self-loathing?
Yeah, well that day I walked out of a meeting in the boardroom and into my office to find a package on my desk.
Inside was a note and two jazz cd's. The note told me to start having a better day, and to put in these cd's, shut my door, and crank the volume...
Of course, I was delighted and thrilled, and instantly had a smile on my face - and of course I was yelling in excitement.
So, Backpackermomma, thank you so much! That was one of the sweetest gestures ever, and not only did it help bring me out of my funk - but it's kept me happy for the two days since. You're an absolute doll! Thank you.

3. Alyssa brought Rachel into the office today when she came to pick up Zig. That baby has got to be one of the cutest ones I've ever laid eyes on.
Last time I was at their house I had caused her to bust into tears just from her looking at me, though Alyssa assured me she was just having a bad day.
Yesterday though, I was delighted to get more smiles and coos and little snorts and boob grabs from her than ever before. I'm excited for the time that she and Butterbean will be friends...and possibly even date (hehe).
And until the day that Butterbean makes their appearance into the world, I'm more than happy to hold that little cutie patootie until she won't let me anymore.

Butterbean's Baby Bits

So...today is the day that the husband and I will find out if we are having a girl bean or a boy bean. My official hospital 20-week ultrasound isn't until sometime between Christmas and New Years' so we've opted to go to a special clinic in the city to find out.

And for anyone that is gasping and saying "But why? Why would you want to find out the sex ahead of time? Don't you want to be surprised?"

All I have to say to you is - I am damn impatient, I will be surprised when I find out tonight, and even if I know we're having a boy because I've seen the "evidence", I will still gasp 5 months from now when the doctor says "It's a boy!" So there.

We would just wait till the hospital ultrasound, but most of the techs won't tell you anymore what sex the baby is...due to some people actually suing when the sex ended up to be wrong once the baby was born. Yes...you should definitely be that angry when you have a girl over a boy...for sure. I'm sure your life is ruined now...a-holes.

Anyways, my money is on a boy. I've convinced the husband the same. Zig has been adamant that it's a girl since he found out I was pregnant. We actually have a bet going because he's got a "theory" that apparently just can't be wrong - he is soooo going to lose.

So, I'm curious...what do you think? Have any opinions so far? We're not actually telling anyone once we know - but I'm curious to know what everyone thinks.

I actually think the main reason I am so convinced it's a boy is because I know about 150 people that have had babies in the past 6 months - about 145 of them were girls - Winnipeg is due for a wave of testosterone.

Wish us luck that Butterbean co-operates tonight and feel like showing us the goods!


Update on "the boys": Since I was told to drink copious amounts of water for the three days leading up to this ultrasound in order to have my body hydrated for "optimal viewing", the boys have been helping me out.
Tuesday morning (the first day of the Great Water Consumption) I asked Zig to keep on me about drinking water all day. I had taken two bottles to work with me, which I would fill up continuously so I always had them filled on my desk.
Anyways, I walked out of my office for a moment to return to a bottle of water on my desk with a note attached saying "Drink Me". I was thinking that Zig must have really been on the ball, but then I realized it was J's writing. I hadn't told him about the ultrasound so I wasn't sure how he knew I needed to drink water.
After some extortion on my part, it came to light that the husband had called J to ask him to keep me drinking water all day! When he told me that I think my jaw hit the floor. I mean, yeah, the husband and my work boys are friends - but geez!

M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E

Boy howdy! Am I in one foul mood today.

I was fine until yesterday afternoon when something sent me over the edge. Since then it seems as though one thing after another has gone wrong (you know how when you're miserable the world just seems out to get you?) and they are all contributing to my misery.

I didn't sleep last night either...Reggie called me on that when he sent me an email this morning saying someone from here had been on his blog in the middle of the night. Guilty. It was me.

Anyways, it's true that misery loves company, so rather than take my friends in the office down with me, I've elected to shut my door (which I've been told I don't do enough, apparently) and wallow in my self-pity while trying to get through some work.

But I hope everyone else is having a wonderful day.

YES, I'm Drinking My Damn Milk!

Since I've become pregnant I have noticed a change in many of the people in my life. But the changes have all been good ones, so I'm not complaining.

The first one was in the husband. He was always attentive before; checking if I needed anything, braving the cold to get me something I was craving, calling me to see how my day was going, all husbandy sort of things.

Since the news of Butterbean he has gotten even more so. Now when he leaves for work it's "Bye babies, I love you." When he calls me at work it's "How is your day going? Is Butterbean behaving?"

I also think Butterbean has caused my mom's sometimes harsh exterior to soften just a little. If I'm at her house and mention in passing the fact that I would kill for some chocolate, she has her shoes on and is on her way to a store before I even realize - this is very un-like my mom.

My dad has always been that way, but I notice that he hugs me for longer now. He offers to make me a steak when I'm drooling at 10 in the morning, and I often catch him staring at me with a quiet little smile on his face.

My brother doesn't act much differently except to ask how Butterbean is. But I print him out weekly updates that tell about the baby's development. I wasn't sure he paid much attention to them, but my mom says that he pores over them and then tells her all the things he thinks are cool. She said he'll all of a sudden say things like "Did you know that the baby has fingernails now?" And he gets a real kick out of the length measurements - which are crown to rump - being 15 he thinks it's funny to be measured from your head to your butt.

But, out of all the changes, I notice the ones in the boys the most. The one I'm married to, and the ones at work.

They all know me for my terrible eating habits, and were always quite vocal about them before. But now, you'd think I was eating for them. The husband never fails to ask me what I've eaten that day, and is always checking that I've taken my pre-natal vitamins. Zig and J are like food nazi's - watching how many bites I eat, shaking their heads in disapproval when I say I'm full. They've gotten into the habit now of telling me "_ more bites" depending on how much I've eaten.

J has now taken the liberty of ordering me milk if we go out to get something to eat for lunch. If one of them isn't there for lunch, he'll check with the other one once we're back in the office to see what I ate. If either one isn't satisfied they will ask what else I've got to eat in my desk.

It's so ridiculous sometimes that J will even check my milk container to make sure I'm not lying about drinking it.

At first I was exasperated, thinking "oh geez, I know how to eat - can't you leave me alone?" But now I actually find it kind of endearing, and the truth is that I've had terrible eating habits for so long that I don't even notice anymore.

And I know that they all really have Butterbean's best interest at heart, so how can I fault the (surprisingly) thoughtful boys for that?

Ali and the Gators

It's that time of year again...that time when no matter how many layers of clothes you have on you can never quite feel warm enough.
It's only been really cold for about 3 weeks, but I already feel like it's been months. Today is only -15 degrees Celsius, which is about 5 degrees Fahrenheit...no where near how cold it will actually get over the next 3 or 4 months.
About a week ago I decided that enough was enough, and I retired my fall/winterish jacket in favour of my knee-length down jacket with the huge furry hood as seen above. Plus, I can always rejoice in the fact that I get to pull out all my cute toques, mitts and scarves. And as you can also see from the picture - I got to bring out my ALI-gator mitts - yay!
But, as always, as much as I complain...and whine, and cry, and beg not to have to go outside, and sneak the heat up, and wear the husbands clothes since they are so cozy, and steal the blankets...I do love the winter, and one of the reasons I love Canada so much is because of the diversity of the seasons. A winter without cold and snow is just not winter in my books.

Stay warm lovies!